FROM FLORIDA AND NEW YORK

A FRESH POLL of American voters suggests that every time Donald Trump has been charged, his support has risen by a million votes.

Dr Ron Gallopers, of Jockeying Polling, says that the relationship between his criminal charges and his potential share of the Presidential vote has been remarkable. “You can hardly slip a leaf of A4 between the two. As a vote-getter it’s better than negative advertising; and probably cheaper in the long run. The only downside is if he doesn’t become President again, then he can’t pardon himself. And that’s a lot of jail time out there.”

April May, a political science researcher from the right-wing think tank Me, Smith & Wesson, says that the slow martyrdom of Trump is turning him into a kind of Socrates or Jesus figure. “The legal system is metaphorically flaying him in front of 350 million Americans, many of whom are aghast at the sight. These people may not have liked Trump before, but they are offended by having to watch him being publicly tortured. Particularly when the motives behind the prosecutions are the subject of suspicion. His own supporters are already hardened and the don’t knows are moving in his direction, if only out of sympathy. If the man had engineered this himself, he could not have achieved a better outcome. The unknown unknown, as they say, is whether Biden will be on the ticket for the Democrats, or someone else.He needs Biden as his opponent.”