DUBAI

STORIES OF PEPPERONI pizza remains being found at drone attack sites up and down the Arabian Penninsula, indicate that Iran has been disguising many of its drone attacks as pizza deliveries.

“It’s fiendish,” says Doughy Base, a military analyst based in Kuwait. “The Iranians appear to have hacked into pizza order websites everywhere in this neighborhood, and sent their drones in carrying weaponry disguised by pizza boxes. That attack on Dubai’s celebrity hotel, it may well have piggy backed a pizza order by a famous internet influencer, I’m told. A lot of cheese has been found around the hotel, I understand. And several US bases attacked by Iran are reporting similar cheesy and meaty messes around the impact areas. One target is said to be covered in Kalamata olives and pineapple. Pizza orders are now banned everywhere in Arabia.”