BELGRADE, THURSDAY

AMID THE BOMBS and missiles of the Middle East, news of the arrest of Britney Spears in California has caused shock and awe around the world, forcing gold to a temporary spike and the US dollar into free fall for a minute or two.

“Ms Spears, whose private life is, admittedly, almost as dramatic as her music videos, is a beloved icon whose latest arrest at a traffic stop may have unforeseen consequences for the globe,” according to fan Ogle Mukus. “I blame Trump. I know she’s from Mississippi and all, but if she winds up being deported, well, all bets are off.”