FROM LES CENTYRHAFF, OUR FOOTBALL EDITOR, AT THE WORLD CUP

ENGLAND’S OPENING MATCH victory in the FIFA World Cup, under German manager Thomas Tuchel, has led supporters to wonder whether the missing ingredient for a return to success by the former imperial conqueror, has always been German leadership.

“Maybe we should have surrendered to them in 1940,” said Bov from Essex, who is following the team in the United States on his dole money. “This German manager, Tuchel, is the crucial piece we have been missing for so many decades.”

Newly arrived illegal immigrant, Mustafa, who is funding his trip with a refugee grant from the British state, says he is delighted to be able to support an England team that just might go all the way. “Yes, I feel the Germans bring something special to an England side. A German manager has that commanding presence that an Englishman just cannot bring to the game. I think the English need to be driven by Teutonic efficiency.”

Len from the Black Country thinks that Tuchel’s magic is a result of the two nations being kindred spirits. “I mean we’re Germans in essence, aren’t we?” he remarked. “Angles, Sazons, Jutes. Though I’ve never met a Jute, myself. And we both like conquering. I mean maybe we should have asked Hitler in in 1940. Anyway, past is past. If serving a German is what’s needed to win, then I’ll bend the knee.”