COPENHAGEN “HE’S ATTACKING OUR BEST FRIENDS, DEMANDING A LAND OF THEIRS WE ALREADY OCCUPY, TO DEFEND IT AGAINST ENEMIES THAT ARE NOT THREATENING IT. I SHIT YOU NOT!” The text of a top secret cable between CIA stations in Europe and South East Asia, intercepted by French intelligence and passed to the Kookaburra Bugle by…

BELGRADE, THURSDAY WORD FROM THE White House, that UK Prime Minister Sir Keir Starmer’s labeling Donald Trump “completely wrong” over his Greenland tariff threat caused the American hard man to shit himself, is said to be true in all but one outstanding detail – the Donald was laughing! Starmer’s Churchillian rhetoric is said to have…

WASHINGTON, DC “REMEMBER WHEN THE big kid came over to you in the school yard and demanded your lunch money? You either handed it over, or you kicked him in the nuts and then danced on his head. There’s something about this Greenland standoff that reminds me of that. Trump hasn’t backed himself into a…

BERLIN IN THE FIRST such order since 1945, German attack submarines have slipped stealthily into the North Atlantic to take up positions off Greenland in the face of American threats to the island, according to reports. “Zis is really nothing more than business as usual,” said a German naval officer. “Vee haf been here before,…

GREENLAND A FURIOUS SEARCH is now on to find all the Chinese and Russian invaders threatening Greenland, even while US President Donald Trump once again turns his tariff arsenal on his European allies, in the face of a single British officer’s arrival to defend the island. “They’re out there, they have to be,” said a…

FEJHED, DENMARK DENMARK’S CRAVEN DESCRIPTION of Donald Trump’s desire to take over Greenland as a ‘fundamental disagreement’, has caused even some MAGA loyalists to ask why they haven’t put up anything like a fight to the US demand? “We want to take their house and they describe it as a fundamental disagreement,” says A.P.C. Sherman,…

BELGRADE, THURSDAY AS DENMARK ANNOUNCES troop plans for Greenland, American satellite photographs are said to have picked up what is described as a “huge Viking Fleet” headed towards the frozen island. “Long ships, full of big hairy fellows, with huge axes,” said an intercepted American message. “We’re not sure if it’s real or a ghost…

FROM OUR SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION DESK THE KOOKABURRA BUGLE NOW HAS OVER 1000 STORIES FOR READERS TO PERUSE AT THEIR LEISURE. UNLIKE OTHER PUBLICATIONS, OUR STORIES NEVER LOSE THEIR RELEVANCE. ENJOY, AS WE HEAD OFF TOWARDS 2000!

PENTAGON WRITERS THE UNITED STATES once had fifteen bases on Greenland. Today it has but one, the Pituffik Space Base. Yes, space. Apt, as it is surrounded by a frozen landscape and not much else. No Russian or Chinese troops. Nothing. Except Musk Oxen ans such other creatures as can stand the cold. “If President…

TEHRAN A LEADING MILITARY expert says that Iran’s beleaguered leaders may try to get Donald Trump and Benjamin Natanyahu to attack the country in an effort to defused the growing protests across the Islamic Republic. “It’s an old trick if you want to defuse internal opposition, just get someone from outside attack you,” says Colonel…