by T. ESLA, ENVIRONMENT CORRESPONDENT “OIL MAY NOT ever recover from this war!” John Batry, a hedge fund manager based in Zimbabwe, thinks the current war between the United States, Israel and Iran may be the death knell for the dominance of oil in the world. “We’ll be interested in shorting oil from here on,”…

LONDON INTELLIGENCE SOURCES IN Europe are claiming that an Iranian ballistic missile fired at the United Kingdom, may actually reached England but then turned back, finally running out of fuel over the Mediterranean. It is thought that the missile’s onboard computerized guidance system, which had a visual component, may well have mistaken the state of…

HAWAII THE DEATH OF tough guy actor Chuck Norris has seen calls from fans for President Donald Trump to name an aircraft carrier after the fallen star. Norris, whose name is a by-word for bad-ass action and martial arts fury, is known to have played a significant role in bringing down the Soviet Union. Videos…

BELGRADE, THURSDAY GREEN GROUPS AROUND the world are in ecstasy at the prospect of an Australia devoid of oil, petrol and diesel. Green Grow The Russians O, a pressure group based in Moscow, has hailed the prospect of a modern industrialized country relying on wind and sun to keep it going as a major step…

WIND ENERGY CORRESPONDENTS THE AUSTRALIAN GOVERNMENT is confident that its supply of windmills can easily replace any shortage of essential diesel due to the Iran War. “We can put windmills on the trucks and farm machinery, very easily,” said a spokesperson (them/they). “And that will solve our problems. It’s the reliable (Chris) Bowen Arrow. All…

CANBERRA “WHY ARE WE waiting for the Americans to ask us to the Persian Gulf? This is existential for Australia. We should be there already, organizing the opening of the Straits of Hormuz.” Alf, a New South Wales farmer waiting for diesel that hasn’t arrived, to plant his winter crops, is close to tears as…

FROM OUR DYSTOPIA EDITOR, REELY WISHFUL-THINKING THE AUSTRALIAN FUEL crisis has given rise to its first signs of a dystopian future with sightings of gangs of maniac crazies, in customized vehicles, fighting one another for whatever drops of fuel they can get. “This began in Sydney, but it has begun to spread, and tempers have…

FROM OUR MORAL BANKRUPTCY WRITERS HAVING FAILED COMPLETELY to prepare a decent fuel reserve, or a secondary supply of oil products, the Australian Government may find itself having to turn on Ukraine in a desperate attempt to get hold of once-sanctioned Russian resources. “Look, Albo and Bowen have ballsed up so badly this time –…

FROM SKIP ROO IN CANBERRA OBSERVERS WONDERING WHY the Albanese Government has not volunteered Australian naval forces to join a grand coalition headed to the Persian Gulf to keep open the Straits of Hormuz, are speculating that the country’s Navy just doesn’t have enough fuel for the job given the shortages emerging since the Iran…

SAIGON, SHIT, I’M STILL IN SAIGON THERE’S AN OLD story from the American Civil War that tells of Ulysses Grant being confronted by senior Union officers when he took over the Northern Army. These officers were constantly going about what Confederate General Robert E. Lee was capable of doing or going to do, or had…