KYIV UKRAINE’S INVASION OF Russia has seen a marked falloff in jingoistic videos and loud claims of success in recent days as the advance appears to have slowed for a tea break, and indeed may have gone into reverse so that cigarettes dropped in the heat of battle can be picked up. It’s not clear.…

BELFAST AS CREEPING NATIONALISM begins to invade their turf, and the idea of a united Ireland becomes plausible, Ulster Unionists and their supporters in the state to their south, have begun to argue that the millions of Irish south of the now non-existent border that doesn’t separate the two polities on the island or Ireland,…

OUR POLICING CORRESPONDENT NOW THAT THE Irish police force, An Garda Siochana, has begun accepting foreign nationals into its ranks, sources close to the Irish Government have indicated that jailbirds given early release in Britain will be considered should they choose to apply for admission to the cops on the Emerald Isle. “We have a…

WASHINGTON, DC “I’VE LIVED THROUGH KENNEDY, JOHNSON, NIXON, FORD, CARTER, REAGAN, BUSH 1, CLINTON, BUSH 2. OBAMA, TRUMP 1? AND BIDEN; AND YOU KNOW WHAT? NOTHING MUCH HAS CHANGED FOR THE BETTER. SURE, THE RICH HAVE GOTTEN RICHER, MUCH RICHER; AND THE POOR, THEY REMAIN POOR, THOUGH WITH QUITE A BIT OF SUPPORT; BUT THE…

JERUSALEM IN RESPONSE TO the pager and walkie talkie offensive launched against it in recent days, the Islamic hard men of Hezbollah have promised to bring the vengeance of Allah to Israel by attacking the Jewish state through its doorbells. “Every Jew who presses a door bell when visiting his neighbor is now on notice,”…

TYRE, SOUTHERN LEBANON A LEBANESE MAN working for Israeli intelligence has broken cover to warn Hezbollah that booby trapped Falafel is the cause of at leas two explosions at lunch tables in the south of Lebanon. “I was involved,” he admitted. “I did not want to do it but Mossad have me by the balls.…

BELGRADE, THURSDAY HEZBOLLAH COUPLES ACROSS Southern Lebanon are curtailing their marital intimacy amid scuttlebutt now reaching into the most private of spaces, that vibrators sold among the cedar trees have been booby trapped by Israel. “I’m afraid it’s just regular relations, or better still abstinence, until we figure out what instruments we can trust,” said…

COMMUNICATIONS DESK “I JUST HOPE they haven’t been stolen and sold on eBay.” The Mossad officer stood looking out to sea, wiping his brow and squeezing the railings he was leaning against. “I did the original count and we’re definitely short about 500 units. I’ve been on to the manufacturer and their figures tally with…

BEIRUT PAGER OWNERS ACROSS the planet are on guard just in case Israel takes a dislike to them. And it could affect the whole pager market. The explosion of hundreds of the devices in Lebanon has left 9 members of Hezbollah dead and thousands injured. “Man, who’ll ever trust their pager again?” said Bob, a…

LONDON “THESE TALL TALES are clearly the product of Israeli Intelligence. And allegations that the paper will be published in *Farsi from next year are clearly black propaganda that can only be coming from sources close to the Netanyahu regime in Israel.” The words of a Hamas spokesman, as he furiously checked his pager, are…