BELGRADE, THURSDAY LOYALIST ANGER IN Northern Ireland could lead to a billion-pound industry, if a proposal to establish a state of the art bonfire factory in Larne, Co Antrim, comes to fruition, according to experts. “Craigyhill’s enormous Twelfth of July bonfire has caught the eyes of people across the globe and now cities, towns and…

WASHINGTON BEHIND CLOSED DOORS MOVIE LEGEND AND Democrat donor George Clooney is being whispered about in party circles as a potential replacement for President Joe Biden in the forthcoming US Presidential election, say friends. The handsome thesbian, husband of human rights lawyer Amal, nephew of Rosemary of White Christmas fame, is said to have indicated…

FROM MOOSE TUNDRA, OUR SPECIAL CORRESPONDENT A FORMER IRISH NUN who sought to use Canada’s assisted dying laws but changed her mind when she listened to the soundtrack from The Sound of Music, has been arrested in far north Canada, according to reports from a local wire service. Pegeen Ankletoss, originally from Offaly, had obtained…

BY OUR CRAIGYHILL OFFICE STAFF ULSTER UNIONISTS PREPARING to celebrate the Twelfth of July yet again have felt the winds of change swirling around their bombastic bonfires in the form of a new European Union study that suggests their numbers will soon be less than that of Ukrainian draft dodgers on the island of Ireland.…

FROM OUR KYIV EDITOR AN AMERICAN FEMALE mercenary flying F16s for Ukraine gave birth to twins while engaging an unidentified flying object over the Black Sea, according to a Turkish news agency report. The report from Kebabske Anatolia Headlines says that the fighter pilot was on patrol near Crimea when she was attacked by an…

FROM OUR MAN IN COLOMBO, KYLE RICHARD THE SHOCK DEFEAT of Ian Paisley Junior, has caused a momentary spike in Sri Lankan share prices as traders there anticipate a large boost to the local economy now that the sun has set on the Paisley dynasty in Northern Ireland for now. “The sun sets in one…

FROM OUR JUDGE NOT THAT THOU SHALL NOT BE JUDGED CORRESPONDENT “SURE YOU NEED to do a lot more than beat an innocent woman senseless to get jail in Limerick today.” The words of a thug with ninety seven convictions for violence offences appear to echo the recent decision of a court to impose a…

BY JOHN THOMAS THE BRITISH LABOUR Party leader Sir Keir Starmer has finally accounced his acceptance that men are from penis and women from vagina. Following the lead of his predecessor Tony Blair, the knight of the realm gave up the .1% of people he was previously unwilling to concede were men by virtue of…

FROM OUR WRITERS IN WASHINGTON DC AND MEDELLIN, COLUMBIA WHILE THE GENERAL feeling is that Biden back sheep, Hunter, will not received a prison sentence for his firearms convictions, prisoners in correctional facilities across the United States of America are said to be stocking up with cocaine just in case the President’s son is given…

FROM JAMES JOYCE, MIGUEL DE CERVANTES AND LEO TOLSTOY IT’S CALLED THE Dunning-Kruger Effect. It’s the tendency of incompetents to see themselves as far more capable than they are. In this year of elections all over the world, it’s worth noting that a singular deficiency of democracy is the calibre of people it attracts as…