CONSPIRACY THEORY DESK AMERICA’S FOUR GREAT Twentieth Century wars were all joined under Democratic presidents. Could there be a single reason for this? “World War 1, World War 2, the Korean War and the Vietnam War were all entered by the US on the watch of Democrats,” according to John Lee-Wilkes, a documentary film maker…

GAZA ISRAEL’S MUCH-VAUNTED intelligence service, Mossad, says that Israeli troops in Gaza have found plans for a Hamas tunnel going all the way to the east coast of the United States. “This super-tunnel, probably financed by Iran, presents a clear and present danger to the United States of America,” says right-wing lobbyist Jenkis Caan, who…

FROM LONDON IT IF WAS JUST A PLOY to cover up his sacking of his rogue Home Secretary, then Rishi Sunak’s appointment of former Prime Minister David Cameron as Foreign Secretary worked a treat. If it’s a serious move to shore up his wretched administration, then the recruitment of the man who called the 2016…

FROM OUR RELIGION EDITOR STEPHEN JAWKINS PERVASE IN ROME “NOT ONLY DID the savior of mankind not die on the cross, he never even left the planet.” These are the controversial words of self-styled Jesus biographer Hapless Lent, Professor of Christian Studies at the University of The Exiles in southern Patagonia. Lent, who was formerly…

FROM OUR CORRESPONDENT IN THE DONBASS TO PARAPHRASE LADY Bracknell in Ocsar Wilde’s The Importance of Being Earnest, lost interest in an increasingly arthritic counter-offensive may be regarded as a misfortune; lost interest in both the counter-offensive and its entire war looks like carelessness. Western media appears to have done just that with Ukraine. Since…

FROM LILLIPUT THE BIBLE SAID an eye for an eye. Gandhi said that would just leave the whole world blind. Today, a new committee meets for the first time to decide just how many Palestinian civilians Israel has a right to kill following the attack that killed 1,200 if its own citizens on October 7th…

BRUSSELS PROPERTIES VACATED BY Brits forced out of Europe after Brexit are to be given to, among others, Ukrainian draft dodgers and refugees from Gaza. Thousands of properties are becoming vacant as Brits who now find themselves to be illegal immigrants in European Union countries are forced from the Continent. “It is indeed a sad…

FROM BEIJING THERE WAS NO contest. As soon as Australian Prime Minister Anthony Albanese began explaining The Voice to his Chinese host, President Xi Jinping just broke down and surrendered on every point of contention between the two countries. “Yeah, it was a blood bath,” says freelance reporter Mike Trenchcoat, who was travelling with the…

FROM OUR WESTMINSTER REPORTERS “AT LEAST WITH a dictator you can put a bullet in his head if he proves to be a useless fuckwit; with these twats you’re stuck with them for five fucking years.” Dave from Dagenham, who describes himself as an ordinary bloke with only one vice – he supports Arsenal Football…

NEW YORK BECAUSE WOMEN, ON AVERAGE, speak 20,000 words a day and men, on average, speak 7,000 words a day, scientists now say that this means women have contributed more to global warming than men. “The science is settled,” says Dr Alexander Gob of the Strong Silent Type, a research institute devoted to measuring human…