WHITE HOUSE REPORTER BYORN FEELAN THE CAPACITY OF US President Donald Trump to engage with the world on an impulse is said to be causing sleepless nights at the White House and in other Federal institutions. “Forget the ballroom reconstruction, that’s small potatoes,” insists s State Department official. “It’s the President’s capacity for sudden changes…

DUBLIN THE GRAVY TRAIN of British Intelligence funds has come to a full stop, as the United Kingdom says it has no more money for recruiting Irish agents. For decades the British Intelligence services have provided an enormous income stream to Irish politicians, Government officials, civil servants, police and other agents of influence. However, the…

WASHINGTON, DC AS CONGRESS SINKS under the weight of a Government shut down, President Donald Trump has unleashed his inner Louis XIV by arranging for a $250 million ballroom construction at the White House. Which he says he and some patriots will pay for, privately. “This puts those No Kings schmucks in their place,” said…

CALIFORNIA AN ATTEMPT TO bring equality into the No Kings protest against Donald Trump, by having a No Queens protest too, have run into opposition from LGBTQ activists. “Impossible!” said a gay rights lawyer. “You just can’t say that, no matter what the intention. It would set the movement back decades.”

WASHINGTON, DC AFTER TWENTY ONE days of US Government shutdown, the country appears to be running better than ever, according to a secret report. “And we’re saving shit loads of money too,” says IQ (not his real name), who helped author the report, entitled America: Shutdown Schmutdown, who really cares?. “The country is doing just…

LONDON THE BRITISH MILITARY is planning to make all personnel wear lipstick as part of its diversity and equality drive. “In order to make our gender fluid troops feel included, the requirement for lipstick will be a court martial issue should it be ignored,” said a wing commander in the RAF. “My chaps and chapesses,…

CULTURE DESK A LEADING MANAGER of pop music acts says that the days of artists, bands or solo singers, having to climb the ladder of fame before either disintegrating in a storm of recrimination and substance abuse only to re-emerge later on the nostalgia circuit, may well be over. Bert Cut, who has been involved…

CANBERRA SUPPORTERS OF AUSTRALIAN Prime Minister Anthony Albanese are appalled that their man has been called a “great leader” by US President Donald Trump. “This could cost us the next election,” said Bruce from Geelong. “I mean Trump hates Kevin Rudd, for God’s sake, why can’t he have similar feelings for Albo? We warned the…

LITTLE BIG HORN WHITE HOUSE AIDES have insisted that President Trump’s suggestion of supplying Tomahawks to Ukraine was a reference to the iconic American Indian battle axe, not the long-range cruise missile. “The President is happy to hand over all the axes we recovered during the conquest of the Indians; they should come in handy…

DAMASCUS A PHOTOGRAPH SHOWING Ireland’s Prime Minister Micheal Martin chatting with Bashar Al-Assad has led to a firm claim by the former Syrian hard man that it must be a fake as he would – despite his reputation for cruelty – never have tolerated the presence of a man like the Fianna Fail chief. “I…