BRLGRADE, THURSDAY ONE OF THREE facial warts once sported by English strongman and religious zealot Oliver Cromwell has sold at auction in Paris for $2 million, having been bought at a village sale of work in Ireland for 50 pence back in 1976. The wart, whose provenance was certified by DNA sample, is said to…

SCIENCE DESK THE RISE OF Atheism is proof that Anglo-centric reason is likely to be the future of mankind, according to an equation constructed by a five-year-old, who will soon study at Oxford. “I was curious about why so many famous atheists appear to be English,” explained precocious Albert Newton. “I was told it was…

FROM OUR CLIMATE ALARM CORRESPONDENT, GETTA LYFFE IF THE EARTH heats up enough, it could begin to reverse its spin, says a top climate expert. “Should the planet warm enough, then the moisture on the surface will evaporate and rise into the atmosphere,” says Roger Littleiceage, a former nuclear bomber pilot turned scientist. “This could…

CANBERRA OLDER AUSTRALIANS, WHO have just seen their sacrifices to build wealth pissed on by the Federal Labor Government in the name of inter-generational fairness, are now demanding that the Government legislate for them to receive some of the decades of life that young Australians have left, which they do not. “If we’re talking about…

BELGRADE, THURSDAY IN ITS LATEST attempt to squeeze maximum profits from short-haul air travel, Irish budget bruiser Ryanair is said to be considering doing away with passengers. “Flights would be paid for, and initially these would travel from one European city to another, but only carrying passenger dreams, not actual passengers themselves,” explained a travel…

CANBERRA A COMMUNICATIONS SATELLITE used in spotting distant stars, has detected what appeared at first to be a football crowd angry at a referee but turns out to have been a nationwide cry of despair by Australians in response to the country’s recent Federal Budget. “The word ‘fuck’ was shouted by millions of Aussies at…

CANBERRA AUSTRALIA’S FIRE EXPERTS have warned that the Federal Government’s latest budget may lead to a huge increase in house fires as owners seek to ensure their investment properties meet the ‘new build’ criteria for Capital Gains Tax and Negative Gearing benefits. “You can buy a new build for the tax benefits, or you can…

SCIENCE DESK SCHOOL KIDS IN Iran have declared that they believe UK Prime Minister Sir Keir Starmer is actually a *Dalek. In a nationwide project, given to students to ease their stress during the current war with Israel and the United States, the Iranian children concluded that, based upon his mechanical actions, and, more particularly,…

ROME THE SWISS GUARD are on full alert. The Pope is watching out for Delta Force snatch squads disguised as parties of nuns, and hundreds of Catholic priests are taking lessons in how to conduct drone operations, just in case the United States decides to launch a full-scale operation to change the regime in Vatican,…

FROM MOSCOW IN A RECENT revelation from the Kremlin, Russia has offered to solve the problem of Iran’s enriched Uranium by storing the fissile material in its own missiles. “This way the world will know that the dangerous Uranium is kept safely out of harm’s way, and both Iran and the United States will have…