WASHINGTON, DC A SENIOR US POLITICAL lobbyist has advised Palestinians to get more spokesmen with American, British or Australian accents if it wants to get any sympathy from the United States and its allies. “Americans like to hear their own accent, or something similar; they like to believe they are helping other Americans, or friends.…

OMAHA, NEBRASKA NEWS THAT HAMAS fighters demanded Diet Coke over Coke Zero, during its attack on an Israeli kibbutz, has caused short sellers up and down Wall Street to take sides with respect to the soft drinks behemoth in anticipation of its share price. “Some traders think that the Hamas fighter’s declared love for Diet…

MOSCOW “MILLENNIALS AND THEIR Successors really need to study more history, because I am sick and tired of hearing that this atrocity or that disaster has changed the world forever. It hasn’t. Indeed the world hasn’t changed very much since the last Ice Age.” Professor Tacitus Gibbon of the Yes, It Really Is All About…

FROM BEER SHEEVA, ISRAEL IT IS THE ULTIMATE crime against humanity: the killing of babies. It is doubly terrible if they are mutilated. Germans in the First World War were said to have impaled babies on their bayonets. Germans in the Second World War probably did impale babies on their bayonets. And worse. Hamas is…

GAZA A YOUNG ISRAELI soldier earmarked for his country’s assault on Gaza was overheard by Kookaburra Bugle staff asking his officer if it was possible they might be walking into a trap. He was politely told to keep his opinions to himself and then reassured that the Israeli High Command and the Netanyahu Government had…

JERUSALEM FAMED SPOON BENDER and former Israeli paratrooper Uri Geller has been asked to used his psychological powers to wreck all cutlery in Gaza to prevent Hamas fighters eating proper meals, it has been claimed. “They will be forced to eat with their hands,” says an Israeli spokeswoman. “That’s okay with rice and that kind…

GAZA VIDEOS OF HAMAS fighters training with para-gliders have caused observers to ask Israeli intelligence what exactly they have to see in order to understand what their enemies are planning. “Too much reliance on technology, lack of real sources, it’s all there to see,” says intelligence specialist Ian Le Carre, who runs My Enemy’s Enemy,…

CYPRUS CAFES IN CAIRO are buzzing with theories that the Netanyahu Government in Israeli let Hamas carry out its weekend attack so that Israel could go into Gaza and wipe it out. Cafes in Beirut are buzzing with theories that Hamas attacked in the way it did – committing atrocities that cannot be forgiven –…

KYIV “WE’VE USED IT ALL.” Ukraine’s answer to Israel’s request that it return ammunition sent to Kyiv at the request of the United States, is the verbal equivalent of a shoulder shrug. “The Ukrainians will have used that ammunition up by now,” says Dole Smuggler of The Other Side a left-wing think tank based in…

FROM OUR REPORTERS IN BELFAST IT IS AN ODD feature of the conflict in the North of Ireland that Irish Nationalists fly Palestinian flags in their neighborhoods while Ulster Loyalists fly Israeli flags in theirs. Now the UK’s Security Service MI5 has asked that the Israeli flags come down for fear they will attract the…