FROM OUR BLACK PROPAGANDA DESK IN LONDON FOR THE FIRST year of his invasion of Ukraine, Vladimir Putin was suffering from every disease known to man, and a few that were new. Every move he made was a sign of fatal illness, every part of his body betrayed a hideous fate awaiting him. And then…

KYIV THE CHORUS OF cretinous western experts who commentated us through the Ukrainian offensive last year, hailing the capture of each blade of grass by Ukraine as a monumental strategic victory and damning every Russian move as either pointless or useless or fruitless, has been reduced to a whisper in recent weeks, indeed in many…

BELGRADE, THURSDAY SCIENTISTS HAVE DISCOVERED a curious link between global warming and the staleness of modern culture. Three recent studies have noted sharp increases in temperature at the same time as movie franchises and streaming services dump their latest reheated offerings to the world. “So stale has western culture become that we believe it’s having…

FROM OUR REPORTER ON ROCKALL FOLLOWING THE RECENT humiliating failure of the Royal Navy’s attempt to test fire a Trident missile from one of its nuclear submarines, attention has been drawn to the parlous state of the once great wave-ruling power, which appears to have fallen on even harder times than Ireland’s national broadcaster, RTE.…

BELGRADE, THURSDAY IT USED TO be that China employed pandas in diplomacy, now they are training the adorable creatures in intelligence gathering, according to a former CIA agent. “Delivery of Chinese pandas to western zoos used to be a source of joy,” says Kurt Reeplie, who spent forty years in the CIA trying to get…

FROM VALHALLA TWO MEN. TWO deaths in custody. Two prefabricated martyrs. Gonzalo Lira was working as a journalist in Ukraine. The Ukrainian authorities didn’t dig what he said about the country. They called him a Russian stooge. He was actually a Chilean-American sometime novelist and film maker, who once even worked as a dating coach.…

MOSCOW EDITOR, BORIS O’KANE FOLLOWING PUTIN SIDEKICK Dmitry Medvedev’s recent outburst threatening nuclear annihilation to sundry western countries, fears are growing that British spy agency MI5’s headquarters in Belfast will be a target in any such attack. “It wouldn’t take much,” explains Dr Noel Kryticalmass, an expert in nuclear war based in London. “A small…

KYIV “THE UKRAINIAN WITHDRAWAL from Avdiivak is not a clever advance to the rear, nor a strategic move to save lives, nor the abandonment of useless real estate after making the Russian army pay a terrible price in blood. It is a defeat and a significant defeat. That’s defeat. D.E.F.E.A.T.” The words of our reporter…

FROM MOSCOW MILLIONS HAVE WATCHED him spar with Tucker Carlson, and now millions of those millions have given their verdict in a poll: they want Vladimir Putin for President. And not of Russia, but of the United States of America. “That guy rocks,’ says Proud Boy Dave who served in Iraq. “Our poor dweebs look like…

BELGRADE, THURSDAY “YOU HAVE MILLIONS of Ukrainians fleeing their beleaguered homeland for the safety of other European countries, while that same homeland is pleading for the return of hundreds of thousands of men of fighting age who are hiding abroad while their brothers and, yes, sisters because our women have to fill the gap they…