Category: Uncategorized
-
AS PROFIT IS SIDELINED PONZI SCHEMES ARE NOW LARGEST GROWTH AREA OF AMERICAN BUSINESS
BY RON ENCRYPT, BANKRUPTCY CORRESPONDENT “DUDE, NO ONE looks for profit now. It’s all about growth. You just keep growing the business and the share price will follow the growth: and that’s where the money is. Profit is yesterday’s honey.” Sam Rentfree-Hype, who is serving fifteen life sentences for fraud, spoke to us from his…
-
IF NATO WERE A SOCCER TEAM THE MANAGER AND MOST OF THE SQUAD WOULD HAVE BEEN SACKED YEARS AGO – PUNDIT
BY OUR PREMIER LEAGUE STAFF “THEY’VE HAD MORE defeats than England have had in penalty shootouts.” Harsh words from Harry Headerblockhed, football pundit and one-time chief scout of Doggerbank Rovers, who won the English First Division in the 19th Century before plunging to non-league obscurity after the Second World War. And the centenarian Geordie was…
-
SOUND OF KNIVES BEING SHARPENED HAUNTS ALBANESE LEADERSHIP
FROM A JET GOING SOMEWHERE OVERSEAS THE GRINDING SOUND of knives being sharpened is beginning to drift through the corridors of power in Canberra. “It’s the quiet that gives the game away,” says political analyst Bruce Bluey. “Prime Ministers never need fear noise from their more ambitious colleagues, it’s the silence that’s damning. And Albo’s…
-
ONCE EVIL, BRUTAL TALIBAN QUIETLY BECOMING WEST’S NEWEST BESTIE AS ISLAMIC STATE LAUNCHES CONTINUING ATTACKS AGAINST AFGHAN EMIRATE
FROM ANYWHERE BUT KABUL DURING THE AMERICAN campaign in Afghanistan you might have believed that there was nothing more evil, more brutal than the Taliban. Well, that was then. In the schoolyard political environment of 21st Century Earth, the even more evil and brutal Islamic State has gone on the offensive against its old Taliban…
-
SEVENTY PERCENT OF EU CITIZENS WILLING TO PAY BRITAIN NOT TO REJOIN – SURVEY
FROM BRUSSELS BY ALEXANDER TURK A FRESH SURVEY of European Union citizens has found that a huge portion of the population of the bloc would actually agree to pay money to Britain to keep that country from rejoining them. “The peace and quiet without the Brits is hard to relinquish,” says Malcolm Felipe Mulhuddert, a…
-
PLAN FOR AUSSIE PM ALBO TO APOLOGIZE TO ANYBODY AND EVERYBODY POSSIBLE BEFORE NEXT ELECTION
APOLOGY EDITOR AND WIRE SERVICES THE SMORGASBORD OF photo opportunities and political errors that have become the stock in trade of the Albanese government in Australia, are to be smothered in a sauce of apologies until the next election, according to Labor insiders in Canberra. “It’s a winning strategy,” says publicist Lowder Noyze. “The list…
-
PROPOSAL FOR IRISH LEADERS TO TAKE ASYLUM SEEKERS INTO THEIR HOMES TO EASE HOUSING PRESSURE GATHERS SUPPORT
PARNELL SQUARE EAST, DUBLIN THE IRISH GOVERNMENT is considering a proposal that political leaders across the country each take an asylum seeker into their home, to help ease the pressure on housing and demonstrate that those on top are willing to shoulder the burdens weighing on those below them. “It’s not going to solve the…
-
UKRAINE DESPERATE TO FIND RUSSIAN SUPER AGENT CODENAMED “THE CHEF” AFTER TOP KIEV SPY CHIEF’S WIFE POISONED
BY OUR COOKERY REPORTER JAMIE MUNCHER THE POISONING OF the wife of top Ukraine spy chief, Kyrylo Budanov, has caused panic in the kitchens of Kyiv and other major Ukrainian cities, as the Zelenskyy government finds itself on an enforced diet. “Somewhere out there is a Russian agent we call The chef,” said a Ukrainian…
-
INDIA REASSURES BRITAIN THAT IN ANY NEW TRADE DEAL IT WILL TREAT FORMER COLONIAL POWER WITH THE SAME RESPECT AND FAIRNESS AS BRITAIN TREATED INDIA
NEW DELHI INDIAN OFFICIALS INVOLVED in negotiating a Free Trade Agreement with Brexit Britain have insisted -as a deal draws ever so slowly closer – that the old colonial masters have nothing to be apprehensive about as the Indians intend always to apply the same courtesies to Britain as Britain applied to India over three…
-
SECRET DOOMSDAY COMMITTEE SAID TO BE PREPARING PLAN TO REPLICATE ‘FUCKED UP” 1980s IRELAND TO DISCOURAGE IMMIGRANTS
FROM POLITICAL WRITERS RECENT RIOTING IN the Irish Capital Dublin has led to the establishment of a secret committee whose brief is to prepare a strategy to actively discourage immigrants from coming to the country, even if it means re-introducing policies from the 1980s that led to mass emigration and Ireland being referred to as…
