BY P. BOULLE FUTURE PREDICTIONS REPORTER

“IT’S INCONTROVERTIBLE, as more and more cretins have more and more children, and less and less high intellects have any children at all, the American population is doomed to a state of infantile stupidity by 2100.”

So says Rupert Hardright, a professor of Eugenics at Online University The Idi Amin Institute for Population Control.

“They won’t even be able to turn on computers, much less program and run them.

“It will be utter chaos.

“Of course this prediction is an average. Small groups of people with a decent IQ will be living in gated communities, armed to the teeth, fighting off the beasts outside. If a troop of baboons were let free it could well take over the whole country in time. Though many might ask if a baboon sitting in the Oval Office would be noticed.

“Evolution has no preferences. It takes the hand it’s dealt. There’s nothing that says human intelligence has to increase forever. Just like size, intellect can retard. Look at modern films and then compare them to earlier periods. Look at current music trends. Look at art: Banksy. Damien Hirst, for Jesus’s sake. Most popular entertainment is now a stale comfortable nostalgia loop or the emperor’s new clothes.

“Dumb and dumber and dumberer and dumbererer … and so on. Look, I only crunch the numbers, I don’t call the shots. And there may well be a lot more shooting in the future. More and more deranged minds taking out their lurid fantasies on innocents. Thank God I won’t be around to see it.”