BELGRADE, THURSDAY

THE fourteen Challenger tanks Britain is providing for the defence of Ukraine are to be collectively named “The Boys of 66” while the individual tanks will each be named for a member of the England World Cup winning squad of 1966.

England beat West Germany 4-2 in extra time to take the trophy.

“We feel that this will provide the armour with a sense of invincibility and hopefully scare the shit out of the Ruskis,” says an unnamed former British Army tank commander who will escort the vehicles to their destination. “I mean, think of it, tanks with names like Hurst and Moore and Ball and Styles and Charlton and Banks, think of the terror it will instill into Putin’s conscripts. When did the Russians ever win the World Cup?

“There’s only one slight problem, we’re just checking the computer systems in the tanks to make sure they don’t open fire on the German Leopards that are on their way to Ukraine too. Modern computers, they can be tricky buggers. Just have to make sure they know we’re all friends now. Allies, like.”

A similar plan to name the German Leopards bound for Ukraine after similarly terrifying German groups, has been dropped. “I understand,” said the tank commander. “You just can’t name German tanks in the Ukraine after Waffen SS units. The optics.”