BY ARCHAEOLOGY EDITOR, MONTANA SMITH JNR

THE DISCOVERY of a new three hundred thousand year old humanoid skull in China has sent shock waves through the English upper classes.

For centuries the English aristocracy has believed it was forged in battles like Hastings, Crecy, Agincourt and Waterloo; and honed in the strict traditions of public schools like Eton and Harrow.

The new evidence suggests that the chinless wonder, so prevalent among the Sceptred Isle’s ruling elite, is a much older phenomenon, with roots in Asia before modern humans even existed.

“It was bad enough having to admit that our entire top echelon were all actually French,” said leading historian Sir Elton Churchill-Irving-Gibbon, “but this Chinese pedigree will cause all sorts of fresh unpleasantness. Our blue blood chaps and chapesses could just about endure being Froggy. The cheese, the wine, the women, the food, the infinitely superior culture, and all that. But Chinese. Didn’t we push drugs to the beggers, and then steal their land? I suppose there’s egg fried rice but it hardly rates against Filet Mignon and a good Mouton Rothschild.”