FROM ROBERTO JUNTA IN GOOSE GREEN

HAVING RUN into difficulty with the optics of sending asylum seekers to Rwanda, a country with a human rights record worse than Treblinka, the British Government believed it had the perfect solution to all those pesky foreigners turning up on its shores – send them down to the South Atlantic, to the Falklands.

“It was the perfect follow-on to the new barges in their logic,” says Ruth Bleedun-Hart, a lawyer specializing in immigration, based in London. “The Falklands are far enough away, cold enough, empty enough and British enough. A perfectly unpleasant deterrent, you’d think?

“Well, it might have been, if as soon as the word leaked out, the amount of Argentinians applying for entry to Britain didn’t shoot up. And so many of them appeared to be beefy men of military age, sporting special forces tatoos. The plan was dropped and Ascension Island in the middle of the Atlantic is being considered. Who knows, they might end up on St Helena with the ghost of the Emperor Napoleon.”