SCIENCE DESK

SCHOOL KIDS IN Iran have declared that they believe UK Prime Minister Sir Keir Starmer is actually a *Dalek.

In a nationwide project, given to students to ease their stress during the current war with Israel and the United States, the Iranian children concluded that, based upon his mechanical actions, and, more particularly, his unique speech patterns, the British leader must be a Dalek.

“If you listen to him talk,” said a schoolgirl from Teheran, “and you have watched Dr Who over the years, then he must be a Dalek. Just speaking a little slower than the usual Daleks, perhaps to disguise his real self. We need to hear him say ‘Exterminate, exterminate!’ just to be sure.”

*Sinister authoritarian mechanical creatures in the Dr Who television series – ED