CANBERRA

A COMMUNICATIONS SATELLITE used in spotting distant stars, has detected what appeared at first to be a football crowd angry at a referee but turns out to have been a nationwide cry of despair by Australians in response to the country’s recent Federal Budget.

“The word ‘fuck’ was shouted by millions of Aussies at exactly the same time Federal Treasurer Jim Chalmers announced that his government was going back on its word and abolishing negative gearing and the capital gains tax discount,” says scientist Dr Guy Nebula. “We initially thought it might be a reaction to another bad result for Russell Crowe’s South Sydney NRL team, and after discounting that perhaps a strangely clear message from aliens; but using a quantum computer we have been able to establish that it was actually an enormous cry of misery from huge numbers of Australians who could not believe that their government had lied to them at the last election and planned to take all their hard earned investment money from them.”