BELGRADE, THURSDAY

IN ITS LATEST attempt to squeeze maximum profits from short-haul air travel, Irish budget bruiser Ryanair is said to be considering doing away with passengers.

“Flights would be paid for, and initially these would travel from one European city to another, but only carrying passenger dreams, not actual passengers themselves,” explained a travel expert who has watched Ryanair develop over the years. “Eventually, they wouldn’t even fly. This would allow for cheaper fares and vastly more tickets per flight; and in the end, no planes and no staff. Perfect.

“Passengers are the last remaining impediment to real profits. They require seats and oxygen and food and fuel, and all that. If Ryanair can sell tickets without actually having to fly real people anywhere, it’s only a hop, skip and jump to the ultimate goal of taking people’s money and not actually sending aircraft anywhere. As I said, there would be no need for planes, crews, any staff at all.”