SCIENCE DESK

THE RISE OF Atheism is proof that Anglo-centric reason is likely to be the future of mankind, according to an equation constructed by a five-year-old, who will soon study at Oxford.

“I was curious about why so many famous atheists appear to be English,” explained precocious Albert Newton. “I was told it was because the English were superior and the rest of mankind falsely believes in things they cannot prove, and walks in darkness and delusion. So I set out to see if mathematics would prove this. And, what do you know? It does. There is a commanding superior brilliance to Anglo-centric reason. It’s in the numbers. God cannot exist because Atheists believe He does not exist and their belief is founded in a reason and logic not found in the false belief of those who do believe in God. Now I’m off to play dragons, wizards and unicorns with my imaginary friend, Bobby.”