FROM GEORGE SMY LEMASS, ESPIONAGE REPORTER

AUSTRALIA’S DOMESTIC SPY agency, ASIO, is expressing fresh concerns that Federal politicians, and others involvement in government, engaged in extra-marital affairs may be the subject of Chinese intelligence double-cross operations involving electric vehicles.

“ASIO has already warned that pollies riding in Chinese made EVs should be aware that the cars may be bugged by Beijing, but these latest concerns have now extended to all EVs, especially Teslas obviously, as it’s possible other electric vehicles may be subject to computer compromise by Chinese-made EVs,” explained Dr C.I. Agent, who writes on technology and intelligence for Spook Magazine.

“The Chinese vehicles could essentially turn the Teslas, say, by hacking their technology, making them what they call useful idiot transports. Anyone in them will necessarily be hugely vulnerable to compromise.

“There’s a particular concern with respect to politicians having extra-marital affairs, and using underground car parks for their assignations. All the Chinese have to do is ensure one of their spy vehicles is parked in the car park. It’s been done a few times already, I understand, but I can’t absolutely confirm it.

“The number of politicians having affairs actually varies according to the polls, would you believe. When their party’s doing well, that’s when pollies shag their little hearts out. But political annihilation can also stimulate lust. Sometimes, the Chinese will commission a poll here just to encourage adultery. Often, the sex is drug-fueled because of the polls, which had led to some amusement among the Chinese listeners, I’m told. Indeed, one female who has been compromised is already supposedly known in Beijing as Lillee and Thompson – she has expressed a love of fast balls when being intimate in her car. Apparently, the recording is a staple of Chinese Communist Party get-togethers.”