NEW YORK

A US SUMMER CAMP spelling bee has been won by a turnip, according to a newly published research study.

The New Hampshire children’s camp entered the root vegetable in its annual Beginners Bee, allowing the vegetable to be randomly rolled onto a carpet of post-it notes covered in various word spellings, some right, some wrong, while the individual campers were required to spell the different words themselves.

“The turnip came out on top every time, at every level,” said the study author, Dr Sheila Tuber. “We’re sure it has to do with the amount of screen time kids now endure, daily. They memorize almost nothing. They use technology for just about every question. And their IQs consequently suffer. Turnips still live in a time before technology; that’s very significant. If this goes on long enough our country could find itself in such a state of ignorance, that it will be ruled by root vegetables in, say, a thousand years. Of course, there are those who think we already are.”