WASHINGTON, DC

AS MILLIONS OF tons of smoke pour south across the US border from Canada, the hardass immigration agents of ICE have been put on high alert, with orders to use all means necessary to send the foul-smelling, choking particles back to where they came from.

“This smoke is from Canadian wildfires, it has no right to be in the United States and we will use every means at our disposal to send it back to where it came from. Including lethal force,” said an ICE spokesman.

Rumours of ICE agents firing automatic weapons at clouds of smoke pouring down from the north cannot be confirmed though at least one Democratic Congresswoman has called for an investigation into the use of lethal force in these circumstances.

“Smoke lives matter!” she remarked when asked about her feelings.