BELGRADE, THURSDAY

FOLLOWING HIS CONTENTIOUS comments on the future of the Falkland islands, and Irish Unity, news that President Donald Trump plans a visit to Gibraltar has some British commentators in a frenzy over what he might propose for their tiny colonial possession at the very tip of Spain.

“I’m sure he will reinforce the right of the people of Gibraltar to decide their own future,” said Rupert Nepo-Twit, a London-based broadcaster whose ancestor perished from a surfeit of Port after capturing the peninsula from Spain in 1704.

“Our chaps took it fair and square in a decent scrap, and all that, and the dagos then ceded it to us in the Treaty of Utrecht in 1713. Game, set and match, I think. Mr Trump should know that we only appreciate his opinions when they side with ours. Otherwise, he should shut up and stay out of things that don’t concern him. I mean, next he’ll be telling the Scots and Welsh that if they leave the United Kingdom he’ll give them preferential trading treatment. Look what he’s just done for Irish whiskey. You can bet your bottom dollar that was aimed at Bushmills in Northern Ireland.”