DUBLIN

IN A MOVE that is bound to see his Fianna Fail party bounce in the polls, and has thousands of his people actually wetting themselves with excitement, Irish leader Micheal Martin will be the first of his kind to visit UK Prime Minister Andy Burnham in his official residence in London.

The news, appropriately announced by Ireland’s self-appointed paper of record, The Irish Times, will see the Emerald Isle’s Taoiseach entering the front door of Number 10 ahead of scores of other world leaders said to be lining up, begging, for the privilege.

“We expect it to be a full and not very frank exchange of cliches and cant, including, probably, the Taoiseach’s signature calls for dialing down contentious issues, and the avoidance of decisions on any subject of real importance,” explained an Irish Government spokeswoman. “Basically, they will talk a lot and say very little. Well, that is the Martin way and it has served him well over the decades. How else can you explain a man who served in a government that sent our country into financial black hole being its current leader? But ignore all that. The important thing here is that we are so happy at being granted the privilege of being the first; the very first. It’s such an honour. Wow!”