LONDON, ENGLAND – A MAN dubbed Britain’s stupidest human being, following his victory in a tabloid newspaper competition, has caused some considerable embarrassment to the British Government, by asking a spokesman for the British Prime Minister why is it, if Northern Ireland, as Sunak says, is in a dream position with access to European Union…

ASPEN, COLORADO – GWYNETH PALTROW’S AURA may be the real culprit in the incident which has landed the Hollywood star in court, says Mystic Mogadon, a spiritualist and healer based in Bel Air, Los Angeles. “Yeah man, if an aura starts to break free, that’s a disruptor right there. All that energy. It’s quite clear…

FROM OUR RELIGIOUS AFFAIRS STAFF “IT WAS OUR LGBTI VOLUNTEER’S INTENTION to paint the statue of Lord Edward Carson at the Quisling Stormont Parliament in rainbow colours as a protest against his role in the ruin of Gay Irish writer Oscar Wilde,” reads a short Irish Republican Army (IRA) statement obtained by the Kookarburra Bugle.…

BY OUR SCIENTIFIC STAFF A NEW SOUTH WALES MAN who can drink beer through his anus and urinate from his mouth has managed to register zero on a roadside breath test despite drinking fifty cans of double strength lager. The man, who wishes only to be known as Norm, told the Kookaburra Bugle: “Yeah, I’ve…

FROM SUNDRY WIRE SERVICES VERY EARLY EXIT POLLING shows smaller parties like the SAVE OUR TURKEYS and LEG SHAVERS are ahead in the 2023 New South Wales state election. “Nothing to be concerned about,” remarked Nationals candidate Wal Surplus, “the fringe always turns up first at the polling stations. I suppose they’re full of passion,…

FROM OUR BUSINESS EDITOR LUKE CHANCE FINANCIAL MARKETS around the globe are buzzing with rumours that Russia’s infamous Private Military Company, the Wagner Group, is seeking a listing on the Shanghai Stock Exchange. “The initial public offering suggests a value of a trillion dollars for the business,” a defence finance analyst who wished to remain…

Entertainment News Desk The world’s oldest rock band has died, on stage. All four members of Dubious Suede passed away during their last concert, but no one noticed. “Yeah, it appears they continued the last half hour of the gig on pure momentum,” a spokesperson for their management company said. “The Suede”, as they were…

From Our Philosophy Correspondent A Furious row broke out in Canberra today when a seven year old child visiting Federal Parliament, questioned why Australia was ordering nuclear submarines which would not be ready for at least a decade when all the science he had been taught said that the world as we know it would…

OUR INVESTIGATION UNIT RECENTLY OBTAINED EMAILS reveal that the entire United States’ Sixth Fleet was kidnapped by Somali pirates several years ago, and only released when a ransom was paid. The emails, intercepted by Chinese Military Intelligence, using one of their deep-penetration high-altitude balloons, throw light on an incident the Pentagon had wished would not…

From our Front Line Ukraine War Correspondent, Charje Xpenze, in Istanbul The US Drone allegedly brought down by a Russian fighter jet over the Black Sea last week, was actually trying to defect. The Russian aircraft was there to guide the drone to a secret base in Crimea. “Our boys had arranged the rendezvous with…