ATHENS AS GRETA THUNBERG is once again released by Israel, despite protests in Sweden and elsewhere, a spokesman for the Netanyahu regime in Jerusalem has strongly denied that its forces were responsible for the cutting of her fringe. “That was not us,” said the spokesman. “We have done some terrible things, I’ll grant you, but…

BELGRADE, THURSDAY A GROWING NUMBER of people around the western world are calling for a public apology to other species of human with which Homo Sapiens might have interbred without gaining the other party’s fully-informed consent. “We’re obviously talking Neanderthals here, as the DNA evidence is pretty much settled,” says Ursula Skreech of the pressure…

BELGRADE, THURSDAY RECENT FIGURES FROM the European Union reveal a disturbing trend as regards tourist numbers coming across the Atlantic from the United States: the Yanks are not coming, at least not in the numbers they used to, and the reason seems to be the threat of being refused re-entry to America upon their return.…

LONDON A NEW PAPER, written by a mystic think tank, says that all the augurs indicate that Britain will achieve greatness again, and that it will do so at a precise time, on a singular date: June 6, 2030 at 3.30 pm. “The omens are very accurate on this one,” says Alfred Pendragon, of the…

BY CHARLES LOUIS PHILIPPE HENRI, IN PARIS AN ANONYMOUS ENGLISH civil servant has revealed what many have always believed: the French run everything. In a private email, the Mandarin said that no matter who seems to be in charge, the French always appear to be pulling the strings. “They have a superiority that just cannot…

FROM ARCHIE GULAG IN WASHINGTON “YOU HEAR IT now in bars, in quiet whispers, occasionally followed by a smile and a clenched fist, and maybe even the humming of The Internationale. Even on Wall Street. It’s not so much sentimentality as a desire for return to old certainties.” The words of Dr Henrietta Kiss, one-time…

WARSAW, TUESDAY IN WARSAW, THEY’RE calling it TACO Tuesday, as they absorb US President Donald Trump’s promise, yesterday, to defend Poland and the rest of NATO from Russia. “People are genuinely terrified,” admitted one local politician. “Not only does ‘Trump Always Chicken Out’ but, worse than that, he just loses interest or changes his mind…

HOLLYWOOD NEWS OF CHARLIE Sheen’s admission in a new tell-all autobiography, that he has had intimate relations with men as well as prostitutes, not only hints that the once fabulously wealthy star might be short of enough bucks to fuel his health and fitness lifestyle these days, but also indicates that his capacity for self-absorption…

MOGADISHU STAFF A DESPERATE PLEA has gone out from beleaguered Somalia, to residents of California, begging them not to come to the East African country seeking asylum. “Californians have already run into resistance from places like Zimbabwe, so this latest attempt to prevent them escaping the post-apocalyptic landscape of the west coast is going to…

TEARS FOR CHEERS EDITOR JOHN RAY JIMMY KIMMEL’S CRITICISM volley at Donald Trump’s reaction to the assassination of Charlie Kirk has drawn return fire from the Conservative Advocacy Group, Man Up, which says that “just because a man doesn’t burst out into tears at every disappointment and tragedy in his life doesn’t mean he doesn’t…