WASHINGTON, DC THERE IS NO truth to the story that, following his demanding a 15% cut of Nvdia for the US Federal Government, American President Donald Trump is intent on purchasing the rest of his country using a private equity vehicle in the biggest leveraged buyout in history, says a prominent Republican donor. “The Donald…

DUBLIN BIG MOUTH VERSUS Long Kesh; BandAid versus Banned; Boomtown versus Andytown: an Irish presidential run off between Sir Bob Geldof, honorary toff, secular saint, critic of police and priests, whose voice was once never off the airwaves in Britain and Ireland, and Gerry Adams, the man whose voice was banned from the airwaves in…

GAZA ISRAELI SOURCES SAY that the country has put a huge effort into making sure there are enough sandwiches to feed Greta Thunberg and her latest activist flotilla when they arrive off the coast of Gaza. “Ham, Ham and cheese, tomato, tomato and ham, ham, tomato and cheese – and remember, we’re kosher – chicken,…

W.G. HELLS, PHILOSOPHY CORRESPONDENT A GERMAN SCIENTIST who once believed he was a cucumber and twice married the same dead horse, says his research has led him to believe that human beings who claim they hear voices, could actually be tapped into another parallel universe, due to defects in their brains. “imagine the human brain…

FROM OUR EQUINE EDITOR HOMER PIGGOTT THE SHEER VOLUME of illegal migrants making their way across the English Channel from camps in France, has caused some in Britain to wonder if they are not the forward element of a fresh French invasion of the United Kingdom. “They have previous for this,” insists Reg Reg of…

WINDSOR, ENGLAND HE’S ALREADY AN honorary knight of the realm in the UK, a living saint in the world of charity – and he once sang about not liking Mondays – so would becoming President of Ireland be a step up, or a step down for former Boomtown Rats front man Bob Geldof? The rumor…

CANBERRA A RIGHTEOUS HATRED of all things salami caused Iranian sponsored attackers to set fire to a Jewish-owned delicatessen, and a synagogue, in Melbourne and Sydney, say Hamas supporters in the land down under. “Salami is the Great Satan’s meat, it is the oppressor’s staple,” said Kylie from Ballindingdong, whose Palestinian support network, Samah, raises…

MOSCOW IN WHAT SEEMS a reversal of Machiavelli and Sun Tzu, US President Donald Trump told anyone who would listen of his cunning plan to untie Russia from the orbit of China, and now the Russians are finally admitting that they heard him as well and know all about it. A Kremlin statement reads: “Yes,…

KYIV “RUSSIAN MOVEMENTS MAY be slow, but at least they are in the right direction,” says Dr Richard Tamerlane of the Jutland Corporation, a strategic think tank devoted to humiliating failures in military technology. “It’s probably time for Ukraine to lay down a barrage of insults against the Russians, if only to cover the less…

BELGRADE, THURSDAY A PAPER IN The Scientific Dolphin, an alternative online research journal, suggests that human teenagers may be the remnants of our interbreeding with Neanderthals. And it’s all to do with sleeping habits. Neanderthals are thought to have survived freezing cold winters during ice ages, by virtually hibernating through the worst months. This habit…