EL PASO, TEXAS SOURCES CLOSE TO the Trump Administration have indicated that imports of hair dye and fake tan will not be subject to tariffs for the foreseeable future. The news comes as Donald Trump puts pauses on various tariffs, to allow for negotiations. No obvious reason for singling out hair dye and fake tan…

SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA A PET GEKKO that picked stocks to short by scrambling about searching for its tail, has left its owner with a profit of a billion dollars after he predicted that Donald Trump would put tariffs on the exports of every country in the world. Gordon, whose tail was taken off by a cat,…

WALL STREET FAR-SIGHTED WALL Street traders are already betting on when the Trump tariff regime will come to an end. A few brave fund-managers are buying what are called Tariff Default Obligations, instruments that will pay out if the US President lifts a tariff regime from a particular country. “This is the big trade of…

BUENOS AIRES THE FALKLAND ISLANDS, over which a short war was fought between the United Kingdom and Argentina in 1982, could change their name from the English version to the Spanish version to avoid tariffs placed on the islands by US President Donald Trump. “The tariffs are on the Falkland Islands,” explained Julio Julio, an…

WASHINGTON, DC FOLLOWING HIS LIBERATION Day announcement of tariffs, supporters of Donald Trump have called for *April 2 to be a permanent public holiday in the USA. “This is up there with July 4,” said a MAGA enthusiast. “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all tariffs are created equal, and endowed by The…

BLARNEY CASTLE, CO CORK, OIRLAND A NEW REPORT from Washington says that President Donald Trump is planning to put a 50% tariff on Irish Blarney. The American President is said to have identified a huge gap in the exchange of pleasant and charming conversation between his fellow countrymen and people coming from Ireland. The gap…

HAVANA, CUBA HE WANTS RUSSIA on his side, to head off China. He needs a strong manufacturing sector, to head off China. He wants a weaker dollar to head off China. He is Donald Trump and China is his focus. If you can’t help him against China, adios. For Donald Trump, the Pacific is the…

CANBERRA IN KEEPING WITH its role as America’s South Pacific lapdog, Australia may just bend over and take whatever Donald Trump delivers by way of trade tariffs. “We’re so dependent on the Americans, that just taking it up the transom is a likely policy in the face of US tariffs on our exports,” says Michael…

DUBLIN THE PECULIAR STATUS of Northern Ireland means that its conjoined neighbor the Republic of Ireland could use it to halve the tariffs Donald Trump has imposed on the European Union. “Tariffs on the European Union are 20%; tariffs on the United Kingdom are 10%,” explained Montgomery Smuggle, whose businesses in both parts of Ireland…

BELGRADE, THURSDAY ECONOMIC PROTECTIONISM MAY WELL be with us for some time to come, say economists, following Donald Trump’s tariff barrage against the rest of the world. “We call it condom economics,” explained Milton Giraffe of the Prophylactic Policy Institute, based in Amsterdam. “All economies will be looking to wear protection while they’re being fucked…