KYIV THE UKRAINIAN ARMY has used Russian interest in Wimbledon fortnight to counter attack in several areas of the front in eastern Ukraine. “The Russians were distracted by the tennis and the huge number of celebrities of all categories watching, and have been caught with their strawberries and cream on the spoon, so to speak,”…

TRUTH CORRESPONDENT THE MUCH-COVETED Josef Goebbels Award for contributions to balanced news may well go to America’s CBS News’ 60 Minutes program for its controversial and costly, but highly coiffured and mercilessly edited, interview with Presidential hopeful Kamala Harris during last year’s US election. CBS has had to fork out $16 million to President Trump,…

HOLLYWOOD DONALD TRUMP PLANS to deport foreign actors who perform in three or more major films that bomb at the box office, according to a White House source. “We are trying to save Hollywood from Woke,” said a staffer. “The state of the film industry is awful. Foreign actors are taking our jobs, and then…

KURSK UKRAINIAN SOURCES HAVE reported that the whole of the Russian army fighting in their country has stopped fighting to watch Wimbledon. “This is nothing new for the Ruskis,” said an information officer. “They’ve done it before. Indeed, any major sporting event and they just down tools. Soccer is the big distraction. Whenever Manchester United…

BELGRADE, THURSDAY A DOCTOR LIVING in the high Andes in South America has discovered that treating his growing vegetables with acupuncture makes them grow larger, and they grow faster too. Dr Herman Sieg, who practices homeopathy, came across the discovery when accidentally placed acupuncture needles in a cucumber during a power outage. The doctor, whose…

TEHERAN IRAN IS STILL in possession of a super secret Death Star, according to the latest report of the American intelligence service, Mossad. Intercepted communications reveal that senior Iranians were cheering the fact that while Donald Trump’s heroes of the air did some short-term damage to the country’s “diversionary” nuclear program, the Americans missed the…

CANBERRA A LEAKED REPORT from Australia’s top secret signals intelligence unit says that an artificial intelligence program using quantum computing has discovered that some of the many whales which pass the country’s east coast every year are singing in a code that easily translates into Mandarin, the main language of the People’s Republic of China.…

BELGRADE, THURSDAY MEN WITH LARGE amounts of money are more attractive to women, no matter what the look like, a new study suggests. The study, carried out by marketing agency Want Equals Need took a sample of a thousand women and introduced them to random very ordinary looking men. “We asked the women if they…

DAH PHUQ, DIPLOMACY EDITOR AS RUMORS LEAK that the United States might not have completely and utterly and totally destroyed Iran’s nuclear program, President Donald Trump is apparently resorting to his country’s most potent weapon, the F-Bomb, to bring an end to the conflict between Israel and Iran. Supporters of The Donald say that his…

MOSCOW RUSSIAN INTELLIGENCE SOURCES have confirmed that Pete “Maverick” Mitchell and Luke Skywalker were flying for the Americans during the US strikes on Iran’s nuclear facilities. “We understand that no one else but these pilots could have achieved such accurate bombing, as we have all seen them do in the movies,” said a Russian intelligence…