BELFAST “WOULDN’T IT BE ironic if Ireland did unite, but under the flag of the crescent moon? Wouldn’t we all feel silly?” The words of a former IRA volunteer were echoed by two men whom he once would have considered mortal enemies. They were commenting on news that Islamic fundamentalists were planning attacks in Belfast.…

BELFAST SINN FEIN CAN explain why it often has contradictory policies in the north and south of Ireland with one word: cost. “You see, in the South we’re in opposition, so we don’t have to worry about cost,” says Davis Lalor Devoy O’Donovan Rossa, a party activist. “While in the North, we run the place…

KHAN YUNIS MONTHS AFTER HE promised to turn Gaza into a Riviera paradise, Palestinian militant group Hamas’ fighters are complaining that Donald Trump is, like every other builder they have ever known, late. “He said he would transform Gaza,” said Mustafa, from a tunnel under the narrow strip during an Israeli bombardment. “I would have…

CANBERRA THE RECENT CIRCUMNAVIGATION of Australia by Chinese warships was caused by broken steering, according to a secret ASIO report. The warships, which conducted live fire exercises, were originally thought to be threatening Australia, however it is now understood they were trying to signal their distress to passing ships and aircraft. “All their steering mechanisms…

LONDON UK CHANCELLOR RACHEL Reeves appears to have demonstrated how the future can influence the past when she blamed actions of Donald Trump which have yet to happen to the UK for her country’s desperate economic performance. Ms Reeves, known as a giant in economic thinking, and a public speaker to rival Cicero and Winston…

MOSCOW DONALD TRUMP’S THREAT to devastate Russia financially if it will not cease fire in Ukraine, has thrown up an intriguing question: what has the United States not done to Russia already, that it will do now, aside from direct military action to actually physically destroy Russian infrastructure? “This is the fly in the buttermilk,”…

WAGGA WAGGA FOLLOWING THE HOMICIDAL reaction to American Internet Influencer Sam Jones’ removal of a baby wombat from its distressed mother, the Australian Government is considering re-introducing the death penalty for anyone who trespasses in a similar manner in the future. “Given the vicious reaction to Sam’s actions, the feeling here is that this could…

DUBLIN THE SMALL SCOTTISH village of Brigadoon protected itself from the outside world by only appearing once every century. The Irish Government has been told to use a similar strategy in riding out the Donald Trump storm. “Hunker down and hide for four years, hope Trump will have wrecked Vance’s chances for the White House,…

WASHINGTON, DC NEWS THAT AMERICAN President Donald Trump had not heard about a Sinn Fein boycott of his meeting with Irish leaders to mark St Patrick’s Day, has been qualified by White House staff who insist that the US chief executive had not even heard of Sinn Fein and thought it was a peculiar kind…

WASHINGTON, DC “THE UNITED STATES of America is built on conquest and acquisition. Every piece of territory it possesses was taken or bought from someone else. When it requires something, it either buys it or conquers it. When eleven of its own states wanted to leave and go their own way, it reconquered them. It…