BELGRADE, THURSDAY IN THE FACE of a threat of invasion by the United States, Greenland, whose population is is only just over 56,000, has begun to train its population of polar bears to help defend the country. “There are several thousand polar bears on the giant island, and they are being schooled in tearing Americans…

DUBLIN PUNITIVE TARIFFS ON Irish products coming into the United States are virtually guaranteed to solve the Emerald Isle’s housing crisis in an instant, says an influential supporter of US President Donald Trump. “The tariffs wreck your economy, unemployment skyrockets, immigrants go home and locals emigrate, housing becomes cheaper and much more available. It’s a…

FROM OUR OVAL OFFICE EDITOR, SHAN WHALING THERE WAS AN awkward moment during Donald Trump’s meeting with Irish leader Micheal Martin, when the US President did his usual of complaining that US businesses were being lured to Ireland by tax incentives, when you just felt that Mr Martin either might have – or, indeed, should…

MANILA “YOU HAVE TO wonder whether anyone at the International Criminal Court in The Hague had their tongues wedged firmly in their cheeks as they accepted the assistance of the son of former Philippine dictator Ferdinand Marcos in the extradition of a political adversary – former elected Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte – to their palace…

KYIV UKRAINE’S ACCEPTANCE OF a ceasefire in its war with Russia, despite no immediate reciprocal action from Moscow, may well leave the plucky underdog vulnerable to a sudden onslaught to which it cannot reply. “Trump has forced Ukraine to sue for peace, while its enemy is still advancing,” said a Zelenskyy insider. “And I see…

BERLIN, GERMANY “THE INGREDIENTS ARE clear. You have to be ignorant of, or indifferent to, history, super-confident in your own ability, personally insulated from any consequences of your actions, and utterly oblivious to the reality of the numbers as they present in the cold light to day. Then you can declare war on the world…

FROM OUR SYDNEY HARBOR-SIDE MANSION CORRESPONDENTS POLITICAL SYCOPHANTS ACROSS the globe will be turning on ex-Australian prime minister Malcolm Turnbull, following his suggestion that politicians were queuing up like sycophants in a conga line before American President Donald Trump, says a leading pressure group spokesman. Ronald Hack of Tongue, a centrist lobby group which advises…

WASHINGTON, DC IF YOU BLINKED, you probably missed it, but for about two minutes last week, stock markets around the world dropped by a third when computer trading programs realized that President Donald Trump had not announced any disruptive policies for sixty seconds. “These computer programs – all AI – are viciously sensitive to political…

STOCKHOLM CORRESPONDENT AHMED AL LADEN FOR THOSE WHO remember New Sweden, the Scandanavian colony based around modern Delaware, a demand that the United States of America hand back the territory will not come as a shock, given Donald Trump’s expression of interest in annexing Canada and buying Greenland. “The Dutch took it from us, the…

BELGRADE, THURSDAY A FRESH POLL which shows Ulster Unionists would demand permanent power-sharing in any future United Ireland, has been met with a reassurance that there has been a robust Unionist voice in the Irish Parliament for decades. “Fine Gael has been in office permanently since 2011,” says Dr Rupert Fusilier of the Majesty Institute,…