FROM OUR CLIMATE DESK AND WIRE SERVICES NORTHERN IRELAND MAY be unwitting sitting on a virtually unlimited supply of clean energy which if captured could bring untold wealth to its people and spark a new industrial revolution powered by human emotion. “For hundreds of years, the furious anger of Ulster’s Protestant Loyalists has been spent…

OTTAWA COULD DONALD TRUMP be an unwitting agent of a secret scheme for a Greater Brexit? The American President’s courageous gamble to make his country great again is clearly bringing old British Empire stalwarts back together as Canada hosts its usually absent monarch, who brings with him together with the standard fraternal sentiments, a solid…

HANOI VIETNAM IS IN turmoil after video footage of a teacher apparently slapping her student in the face went viral in the south east Asian country. “While corporal punishment is accepted up to a reasonable point in the family home, it is not lawful in school in Vietnam,” explained Nguyen Van Duc, a school principal…

CANBERRA ANY FUTURE CHINESE invasion of Australia could come in the guise of an old folks’ tour, with People’s Liberation Army soldiers advancing in wheel chairs and on walking frames, says a secret Department of Defence study. “Such is the problem with aging in China, that future armies could be peopled with millions of soldiers…

LOS ANGELES THE DEMISE OF one-time superstar Lab Teak is being held out as a cautionary tale of Hollywood in decline, according to commentators. Teak, whose own disintegration began the same day he became an overnight success playing a defrocked Pope turned private detective in the seminal American TV series, Dick Holiness, is reported to…

BELGRADE, THURSDAY A WORLD-FAMOUS conspiracy theorist says that an intact Roman pot found north of Ireland’s capital, Dublin, was full of spaghetti bolognese which can only mean that Rome conquered Ireland. “Whenever a Roman army conquered, it feasted on spaghetti bolognese,” says Josef Da Fuq whose latest work Why Everything You Think You Know About…

KYIV A WORLD-WIDE poll suggests that people are more familiar with the strange goings on at the very edge of space and time than they are with the current situation in the Ukraine war. “Fifty five per cent of those surveyed were convinced the Ukraine war was over,” says Ultan Gallap of Cop On, a…

FROM OUR OBESITY EDITOR, FATS PHLEGM-DAGG A NEW STUDY has discovered that people who voted for Donald Trump were more likely to lose weight than those who voted Democrat. Weight A Minute, a survey carried out by the Lipo Institute, a think tank that calculates the relationship between weight and politics, examined the waistlines of…

BIGOTRY DESK THREE HUNDRED OF Ulster’s ultra-protestant churches have joined in condemning the election of the new Pope in Rome, condemning him as the Anti-Christ and wishing him a long reign as Supreme Pontiff of the Roman Catholic Church. “As long as there is a Pope in Rome, we are validated, and Protestant Ulster will…

ROME THOSE FISHERMAN’S SHOES always appear to fit the most appropriate feet. The new Pope almost seems like a return of serve to the AI photograph of Donald Trump on the Papal throne, which the President called a joke. The world’s cardinals appear to have sent the same message to MAGA as they did to…