FROM OUR REVOLUTIONS CORRESPONDENT, MAX LENIN A TOP SECRET Irish Government white paper is said to argue for the compulsory acquisition of all of Dublin’s golf courses, to build suitable housing for Ireland’s growing migrant population. The document, provisionally titled Whole In One, is so explosive that only three people have had access to it…

CANBERRA REPORTING STAFF “NO, WE DON’T know the person’s name, they haven’t been born yet! We do know they’ll have to work pretty damn hard to keep the whole country going.” Dawkins Darwin, Professor of Crisis Demographics at the University of Alice Springs had a sad smile on his face as he took questions from…

BELGRADE, THURSDAY SCIENTISTS IN CALIFORNIA claim that a living butterfly reversed its natural progression from caterpillar to winged insect when exposed to US Presidential candidate speeches for a 24-hour period. “We watched it slowly reverse its standard life pattern,” insists Professor Milo Monarch, who has spent a lifetime studying the beautiful creatures. “It was a…

PARIS, FRANCE IN A FIRST for humanity, an android controlled by artificial intelligence has been entered in the Olympic Games as part of an experiment. The android, who looks and acts human has been placed into the competition with the agreement of all countries taking part. The aim is to measure its performance both socially…

WASHINGTON DC FROM BEING VIRTUALLY nowhere, suddenly Kamala Harris is everywhere. And everybody knows her and knows about her and wants to know more and has a view on her. From being nobody, she is immediately somebody, and noT just somebody but somebody really really important. The difference? The smell of power. Now this fine…

FROM OUR POLITICAL STRATEGY EDITOR JOE GOBALLS KEY DEMOCRATIC POWER brokers are now calling on President Joe Biden to resign in office so that his Vice President Kamala Harris would become President and fight the next election as the incumbent. “Look, she’s on the back foot,” says Hubert Blukoller, a union leader from the mid-west.…

FROM OUR WRITERS ACROSS AMERICA A SNAP TELEPHONE survey, following Joe Biden’s decision not to contest the US Presidential election, has produced a curious reply pattern that may cause Democrat power brokers to wonder if dumping the incumbent was the right decision. The party’s voters were asked if they would easily transfer their loyalties from…

WASHINGTON DC WITH EXERCISE, GENE treatment and a good plastic surgeon, angry supporters still believe US President Joe Biden could run again for the White House in 2028. “He’s younger than Paul McCartney, for fuck sake,” said a Democratic donor. “And Harrison Ford. And way younger than Ringo Starr. And they’re still out there. He’s…

BELGRADE, THURSDAY US PRESIDENT JOE Biden is said to want three further terms in the White House if he wins the November election, according to well-placed insiders. “He wants to be the first 100-year-old President,” says Moltun Lava III, a billionaire donor to the Democratic Party. “Of course he’ll need a small constitutional change and…

WASHINGTON, DC “PEOPLE ARE SEEING them everywhere: snipers!” Americans are fixated with rooftops according to a new report. And this fixation is causing a major public order problem. “Crowds and crashes, jams and delays, the whole country appears to be looking for gunmen on roofs,” says its author, Frederick Foxyte. “Ever since Donald Trump was…