EL PASO SO EXTRAVAGANT HAS Ireland’s Office of Public Works (OPW) become, that Irish people are now putting in tenders for its building projects rather than buying lottery tickets, and even the richest nation on earth cannot afford its services. “When an offer of help came from Ireland, I’m told The Donald’s eyes nearly fell…

DUBLIN FIFTEEN MINISTERS, FOUR super-junior minister and twenty three junior ministers, that’s what it now takes to govern the REPUBLIC OF IRELAND, population 5.26 million. There are 174 members of the Irish Parliament’s lower house, the Dail. The main governing parties, Fianna Fail and Fine Gael, have 48 and 38 seats respectively, and they will…

OUR MIGRANT DESK AMERICAN PRESIDENT DONALD “The Donald” Trump’s promise to deport millions of illegal migrants has run into a fascinating snag, according to a new report: he’s going to need to bring in millions of migrant workers to help perform the task. “The numbers don’t lie,” says Aldous Wart-Dupe III, of The Sums Corporation,…

DUBLIN FRESHLY APPOINTED IRISH Prime Minister Micheal Martin, and his deputy, Simon Harris, are facing a flurry of questions about their relationship from people all over the world who witnessed their press conference outside the Irish Parliament following an initial failure by the pair to have Mr Martin formally appointed as his country’s leader. “The…

LONDON A LEADING ACCOUNTANT says that Islamic Grooming Gangs could well be entitled to charitable tax status if they can show that what they practice is in the furtherance of their faith and of benefit to its practitioners. “They simply have to demonstrate their religious purpose and show they provide some kind of public benefit,”…

CANADA DONALD TRUMP’S OFFER to buy Greenland has been met with a counter-offer by the Danish autonomous territory, to buy the United States, minus California. “The reality is, that with all its mineral resources, Greenland is probably in a better position to buy the US, than the US, with all its debt, is to buy…

DUBLIN “ONLY IN FUCKING Ireland could you have a group of independent members of parliament, who are entering coalition government, seeking to be granted speaking time from the opposition benches. And have the main government parties row in behind them. It’s beyond absurd. Are they going to make government speeches then race across to the…

WASHINGTON DC DONALD TRUMP’S CLAIM that God spared him from an assassin so that he might make America great again, has been contradicted by the Almighty who insists he was playing golf that day and missed the President’s speech. “I saw it later on CNN,” He said. “Though the coverage was so banal that it…

MOSCOW THOUSANDS OF NORTH Korean troops fighting for Russian strongman Vladimir Putin show all the signs of being AI drones, says a technological warfare expert. “They remind one of the Terracotta Army discovered in the grave of the first emperor of China about fifty years ago,” says Liddell Tzu, whose book on strategy for the…

LOS ANGELES RUMOURS THAT AT least one of the recent fires may have begun in a dry reservoir during a debate about diversity are spreading around Los Angeles like – well – wild fire. The story is that a group of diversity quota enthusiasts, on a state sponsored committee, were sitting in the dried-out reservoir,…