Category: Uncategorized
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TEXANS 12,000 YEARS AGO – AND GUESS WHAT? THEY WERE ARMED TO THE TEETH, LOVED HUNTING AND PRIZED THEIR TOOLS
BY CLINT BRONSON A NEW ACADEMIC study describes Texans 12,000 years ago as heavily-armed, tool-crazy hunters. “These guys were stone-age Donald Trump voters,” says Dr Stone Canyon, who led the archaeological dig that founded the research. “Mad, bad and very dangerous to know. They took the war to whatever enemy they fought, be it game…
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PERSONAL BLACK HOLES TO SLOW TIME, JUST OVER THE (EVENT) HORIZON
PYONGYANG, DEMOCRATIC PEOPLE’S REPUBLIC OF KOREA (FOR AMERICANS, THAT’S NORTH KOREA) SCIENTISTS IN THE hermetically-sealed demi-peninsula that is the DPRK have made an astounding claim that they are close to manufacturing a personal black hole, which can be used to slow time around an individual human being. The North Korean boffins were originally ordered by…
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IS ENTIRE RUSSIAN ARMY DEAD?
BELGRADE, THURSDAY NATO EXPERTS SAY they believe that the Ukrainian Army has wiped out its Russian enemy to the last man. “Our calculations tell us there are no more Russian soldiers left,” insists Colonel Wilhelm Eggnogg of NATO’s 1st Statistician Laptop Fusiliers, a multi-national regiment based in Warsaw. “They are relying solely on robots now.…
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CALLS FOR SPECIAL CRIMINAL COURT TO TRY IRISH POLICE OFFICERS AS NUMBERS CHARGED RISES
DUBLIN WITH THE NUMBERS of Irish police officers being charged with criminal offences rising, fresh calls have been made for the establishment of a special court to deal with police crimes. “It’s definitely an idea whose day has come, I believe,” said a Sinn Fein party worker who fell foul of the *Heavy Gang in…
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MOVIE STAR HUGH GRANT’S RECENT ADMISSION OF POLITICAL AMBITIONS SPARK REPORTS THAT HE WAS OFFERED FINE GAEL LEADERSHIP BEFORE HARRIS
TIK TOK SIMON HARRIS MAY well be the Tik Tok Taoiseach in waiting but news that actor Hugh Grant has ambitions to enter politics has started a flurry of rumours that the star of Paddington 2, Notting Hill and Love Actually – where he played a young Prime Minister – was approached by Fine Gael’s…
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NEW IRISH LEADER HARRIS’S FIRST TASK WILL BE TO CONVINCE VOTERS THAT JUNE PATENT POLL IS ABOUT AN OBSCURE EUROPEAN COURT AND NOT WHETHER HIS REGIME’S POLICIES ARE PATENT NONSENSE
FROM OUR PATENT COURT REPORTER CLAIMS THAT new Irish supremo SIMON Harris has been sold a (*King’s?) hospital pass by his predecessor Leo Varadkar, have been brought into sharp focus by a recent internal Fine Gael poll suggesting that many Irish voters believe the June Constitutional Referendum to allow the country join the Unified Patent…
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AS TITANIC METAPHORS ABOUND AFTER VARADKAR QUITS, SIMON HARRIS FANS FEAR THAT DESPITE HIS OBVIOUS GENIUS THE YOUNG TURK IS NOT SO MUCH ACCEPTING THE HELM OF THE DOOMED LINER AS OFFERING HIMSELF TO BE MAROONED ON THE ICEBERG
BELGRADE, THURSDAY WITH FINE GAEL luminaries taking to the lifeboats in record numbers, the politician of the moment, Simon Harris, soon to be crowned Taoiseach unopposed, has some of his own supporters wondering whether the lack of competition might be telling them something more than that their man is a magnificent political beast, supercharged for…
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SUPPORTER OF NEW ST GEORGE’S CROSS DESIGN ON ENGLAND SOCCER SHIRTS SAYS OLD RED CROSS WAS AN IMPERIAL FASCIST EMBLEM CARRIED BY THUGS TO INTIMIDATE RIVALS
LONDON “THAT RED CROSS, it became symbol of empire, an emblem carried by Fascist thugs to intimidate, the equivalent of the swastika, the stars and bars, or the burning crucifix, and we’re well rid of it. Bloody hell, St George wasn’t even English, he didn’t even come from Europe, no he was probably a Greek…
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RUMOR THAT FINE GAEL LEADERSHIP FOR SALE ON EBAY SPREADS AS ONLY ONE UNINSPIRING YOUNG MINISTER APPEARS TO WANT THE JOB
DUBLIN THE AWKWARD SILENCE AMONG Fine Gael luminaries following the sudden resignation of their leader, Leo Varadkar, has been followed by a furious rumor that the top job in the party – which carries the premiership of Ireland with it, as a bonus – has had to be put up for sale on Ebay as…
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NORTHERN IRELAND UNIONIST LOONIES CLAIM CREDIT FOR LEO VARADKAR”S FALL AS THEY INSIST “WE PRAYED THE GAY AWAY”
BELFAST A LUNATIC SPLINTER group famed for a gay conversion therapy that involves being nailed to a cliff and pounded by Atlantic waves, claims that it is responsible for the demise of Irish Taoiseach Leo Varadkar. The Temple of God’s Terrible Wrath, a small Protestant denomination based in Portadown, Co. Armagh, claims that its prayers…
THE KOOKABURRA BUGLE 