BY LAZY SEMI-LITERATE HACK JOURNALIST, BASED A THOUSAND KILOMETRES FROM THE FRONT, REGURGITATING ANYTHING HE HEARS “IT’S SURELY THE BEGINNING OF THE END,” cried a woman on the streets of Kharkiv. “I know that house, that front parlour, the one our boys have retaken from the Russians. It’s mine.” News that an entire mechanized brigade…

BY JINGO UKRAINIAN OFFICIALS have expressed fears that the British tabloid, the Daily Mail, will run short of contemptuous stories, praising Ukraine’s successes and damning Russia’s follies, before the war is finally won. “The Daily Mail has been using these stories up at a very fast rate, particularly recently, and the concern is the supplies…

BY REPORTERS IN THE GREY ZONE BETWEEN THE LINES IN EASTERN UKRAINE UKRAINIAN SOURCES blaming climate change for the apparent slowness of their advance east of the Dnipro River, say that the continuance of that advance will in the end help reverse that same climate change. “The ground keeps getting wet,” a colonel in Kyiv…

BY BLEEDING OBVIOUS DESK “I was only giving out the same advice I would have given my own daughter, for God’s sake!” So says veteran radio host Kon Troversie, of Triple Triple FM in Dobim Dobim WA, after calls for his sacking by Feminist groups across Australia and the world. Troversie (98) was reviewing the…

FROM SCIENCE REPORTER B. LAYTANT FYBBER IN CANBERRA UNDER-SIEGE FINANCE MINISTER Katy Gallagher, who appears to be contradicting hard video and text message evidence which suggests she misled Federal Parliament about when and what she knew of the Brittany Higgins rape allegations, is possibly a casualty of the quantum phenomenon known as retro-causality. Many observers…

BELGRADE, THURSDAY THE DISPUTE OVER how the Kakhovka Dam collapsed may have been resolved after a blogger in Vladivostok claimed that a new oral health drive among Russian conscripts serving in Ukraine could have led to the disaster. The blogger, who calls himself Tsar Nikki Vlad, and wears a shopping bag on his head, said…

BY RAY JINGO FROM THE FRONT LINE WITH THE UKRAINIAN OFFENSIVE EVERYWHERE “THE COWARDS, we will have them all sledgehammered,” roared Russian General Maxim Stalingrad, whose entire brigade left their fortifications in southern Ukraine and began running towards the sea when they heard the British Challengers were coming. News that the 14 British-supplied Challenger tanks…

BY CHARLIE CLAUSEWITZ A CHILD in a small school in the mid-western United States has been severely scolded by teachers and the arrested by US Government officials for asking a question that has been deemed “treason” by many of his elders and betters. “The little fuck had the gall to point out the damned obvious…

BY WINSTON ROOSEVELT IN KYIV AS the Ukrainian Army appears to struggle to make progress in its current offensive moves along the war front, the call has gone out for more promotional videos to be made available to help the fighting troops in their gravest hour. “It’s a hard battle we’re facing,” said Ukrainian spokesperson,…

BY POLITICAL CORRESPONDENT MUKUS MEMBRANE “THEY COULDN’T even organize a simple political hatchet job without cocking it up!” So said Ernie Fyckser, PR guru, and media relations consultant, best known for helping to shape O J Simpson’s publicity in the mid-1990s, and advising Vladimir Putin during his successful annexation of Crimea in 2014, when he…