USELESS DOPEHEAD CORRESPONDENT IN BOGOTA, COLUMBIA “IT DEFINITELY saved the cartels a few years back. The price of cocaine on the streets of American cities had flat-lined, like many of its consumers’ heart beats. Then there’s a massive spike in demand and prices shoot up. Our study suggests it was all down to Hunter Biden.”…

FROM OUR DEFENCE SCUTTLE BUTT CORRESPONDENT in Vilnius “IT’S WHAT YOU might call CATCH ’23: NATO won’t let Ukraine join until Ukraine somehow wins its war with Russia; but Ukraine cannot win that war without being a NATO member and having the full support of the alliance and its military behind it. Basically, Ukraine is…

FROM WASHINGTON DC SHE’S A HEARTBEAT, or perhaps a dead brain cell, away from the Presidency of the United States, but fewer than twenty percent of Americans can name their Vice President. Indeed, less than forty percent know the Vice President is a woman. While fifteen percent think she’s the main actor from Madam Secretary.…

RETAIL MILITARY HARDWARE REPORTER THE HARD-PRESSED British Government is said to be turning to Amazon and eBay for military supplies, as it struggles to cope with the demands made upon it by Ukraine’s struggling offensive. London’s Defence Minister, Ben Wallace, known for his strategic genius, gave the game away when, presented with a fresh list…

BELGRADE, THURSDAY – HOW MUCH will thirty pieces of silver invested at an average compounded rate of five per cent over two thousand years be worth today? Quite a lot actually. “We’re talking a figure way beyond trillions,” says archaeologist Dr Tony Cave. “The net asset value of an advanced industrialized democracy, probably. Probably more…

FROM ALFIE NOBEL IN A SMALL SHELL HOLE IN EASTERN UKRAINE THE UNITED STATES’ decision to send cluster munitions to Ukraine has caused some people, whose hearts are not as robust as they should be, to suggest that the provision of such indiscriminate ordinance to the war in the Donbass and its surroundings might lead…

FROM OUR WASHINGTON BUREAU THE PHRASE “Oh God!” may soon be prohibited for any worker to use while in the employ of the United States Government. Although “In God We Trust” remains the official motto of the United States, activists who want all traces of religion removed from day to day Federal Government, in accordance…

BY WHOEVER ISN’T VOMITING WESTERN PROPAGANDA “WHEN IS this bullshit going to be called for what it is … bullshit? And how many of those who are peddling it will EVER apologize for what they are doing? Probably never. Who apologized for Vietnam, Iraq, Afghanistan?” This is the beginning of a suicide note left by…

BELGRADE, THURSDAY WHILE NATO morale factories have been working overtime to keep the flow of high spirits pouring into Ukraine, much more is needed in the face of heavy Russian reality, say experts. “The United States has been opening a fresh line of morale production for Ukraine almost every week, but those damn Russians they…

FROM BELFAST “OH, IT’S A MASSIVE phallus! No doubt.” So says Dr Moira Olive-Grove, an international sexual psychologist, about the enormous record-breaking July Twelfth bonfire that has been erected in Craigyhill, Co Antrim. “And when they set fire to it, it will pour forth flame into their community in ceremony of re-invigoration that reminds one…