WASTE MANAGEMENT CONSULTANT

PLANS TO reboot classic 1970s TV series “The Streets of San Francisco” have had to be shelved due to the thousands of shit piles which litter the eponymous streets.

“These fucking turd islands all even have names,” says producer Max Tax. “You can go on city tours of the damn things.

“Can you imagine Michael Douglas and Karl Malden running around stepping in shit all day? Even Disney+ wouldn’t commission something like that.

“Anyway, who’s going to insure such a show? Actors slipping in crap all day. Filming in an open sewer. And the stink. Please. It makes Alec Baldwin’s troubles pale.

“It’s fucking medieval. Next they’ll be pouring piss out of the windows on to the pavement.

“I tell you, I’m going to Texas.”