GEELONG

THE AUSTRALIAN GOVERNMENT did not set fire to an oil refinery in Geelong, Victoria to cover its own incompetence in the country’s ensuring energy supply, according to a well-placed Labor Party source.

“The fire is pure coincidence,’ said the source. “Albo is crawling his way around Asia, begging for fuel. We’re okay up to the weekend, I’m told, and if he can beg, borrow, even steal, fuel, then we’ll make it into May. Surely, by then Trump will have chickened out and the whole Strait of Hormuz mess will have been sorted out. And no, we definitely have not been asked to help clear the Strait. We’ve checked every department. Twice. No requests. So we just wait.”

Asked if the Government considered the threat to energy security so great that it might consider taking the initiative with allies, to help keep the Strait of Hormuz open, the source shrugged. “We really should wait till we’re asked. Officially. In triplicate.”