FROM CHARLIE LUCKY, ORGANISED CRIME CORRESPONDENT

THE LEGENDARY FIVE families of New York’s Italian Mafia are thought to be considering moving their business out of the Big Apple in the face of Mayor Zohran Mamdani’s socialist plans for the city.

A secret meeting of the Commission, the governing body of the La Cosa Nostra, the American Mafia’s official title, is said to have discussed the possibility of relocating the New Yorkers to various states around the country; however, such a move would obviously impose burdens on other LCN families and their territories.

“Some friends of ours don’t appreciate the imposition,” said a Gambino Capo with connections to Chicago and Florida. “But we’re in trouble; this Mamdani kid, he’s making New York into, eh, North Korea. Business will suffer. I mean we can make him an offer he can’t refuse, I guess, but that’s a lotta heat we don’t need.”

A Lucchese soldier, whose earnings come from the grocery store business is horrified at Mamdani’s plan to establish city-owned stores. “This is commie bullshit,” he said. “Predatory pricing. Well maybe we’ll reply with our own predatory pricing. We’re gonna need some horse’s heads, I think.”

The New York families are the most powerful in America and their movement to other locations would likely lead to a Mafia war. “We’re already preparing the mattresses,” said a Genovese associate. “Paulie told Mikey, and Mikey told Sal. It’s not something we want but the Mamdani government, they’re like Stalinists. How are we gonna eat in a situation like that?”

“Hey, blood is a big expense,” remarked a Columbo Family Capo, who runs a club in Manhattan. “It’s not our rackets that we’re concerned about, it’s all the legitimate businesses we have. That’s where we’ll be hit, and hit hard. If we are moving, then I’m for Florida, or Texas. I’m not moving to the west coast. I mean outta the frying pan and into the fire, or what?”