DUBLIN

A VETERAN SERVANT of Ireland’s national broadcaster, RTE, says that the struggling network could solve all its current financial problems by securing the right to broadcast executions from the United States.

The old warhorse, who wishes to stay anonymous, is concerned that when his time to jump ship comes, there just won’t be enough cash available to pay a handsome redundancy to him.

“I’m on such a terrific screw right now that I’m going to require shitloads of cash for my redundo,” he said. “And with the Irish Government virtually counting staples at *Montrose, and pulling every euro it can from our budget, I’m a little nervous that the pile I’m expecting just won’t materialize. I suppose I can still sell the story of my massively inflated salary to the tabloids but I’d planned on doing that anyway. So, I need a fresh pile to skim from, and now that the Trump regime is maybe thinking of turning executions into public entertainment, with this Hasan firing squad live-stream announcement, I firmly believe that RTE should get in first with an offer to broadcast all the potential carnage to the whole world. On the floor of the arena, so to speak. This could be huge. Bigger than Riverdance.”

*Location of RTE HQ – ED