BELGRADE, THURSDAY RUSSIA HAS admitted losing scores of soldiers who have literally laughed themselves to death at the sight of Ukrainian troops playing dead like possums when caught out in the open by Russian drones and artillery. “Yeah, these poor Ukrainian fellows lie down on the ground and fake death!” a Russian commanders said. “Like…

BY JOE MCKELVEY, LIAM MELLOWS, DICK BARRETT AND RORY O’CONNOR, IN QUICKLIME, CO DUBLIN “IMAGINE THE IRA, BUT THIS TIME WITH A BADGE.” These are the sobering words of Macnas McMacnas, Professor of Very Modern Irish History at Merciful Hour College in Dublin, when responding to Belfast Telegraph journalist Sam McBride’s query as to how…

FROM KYIV USING WIRE SERVICES “THIS IS FANTASTIC NEWS!” said an old woman on the streets of the Ukrainian capital. “I have lost two sons to this war. I have always been suspicious of foreign politicians cheering us on from faraway sidelines. Perhaps he can drive one of those famous British Challenger tanks we hear…

BY U. T. TER D’ESPAIR, INSANITY CORRESPONDENT A TEACHER IN THE AMERICAN STATE OF CALIFORNIA has been ordered to apologize to her mixed class of 18-year-old students after referring to them as “little cunts” after they tipped a bucket of paint on her as a prank. She was not forced to do this because they…

FROM MICKY MURPHY, THE SPY, IN WARSAW IT USED TO BE that the British Intelligence Community was happy enough just to manipulate and control the local press from a distance, recruiting journalists, planting stories, inserting agents. Not any more. Today, MI6, Britain’s much vaunted overseas intelligence agency, its Secret Intelligence Service, has begun publishing its…

FROM POLITICAL REPORTERS IN CANBERRA A TWENTY-FIVE year old man died peacefully in his sleep last week while watching an ABC journalist interview a Federal Government Minister. The deceased began to drift off into a deep sleep, which developed into a coma and then death. His wife only realized he was dead when she began…

BY LAZY SEMI-LITERATE HACK JOURNALIST, BASED A THOUSAND KILOMETRES FROM THE FRONT, REGURGITATING ANYTHING HE HEARS “IT’S SURELY THE BEGINNING OF THE END,” cried a woman on the streets of Kharkiv. “I know that house, that front parlour, the one our boys have retaken from the Russians. It’s mine.” News that an entire mechanized brigade…

BY JINGO UKRAINIAN OFFICIALS have expressed fears that the British tabloid, the Daily Mail, will run short of contemptuous stories, praising Ukraine’s successes and damning Russia’s follies, before the war is finally won. “The Daily Mail has been using these stories up at a very fast rate, particularly recently, and the concern is the supplies…

BY REPORTERS IN THE GREY ZONE BETWEEN THE LINES IN EASTERN UKRAINE UKRAINIAN SOURCES blaming climate change for the apparent slowness of their advance east of the Dnipro River, say that the continuance of that advance will in the end help reverse that same climate change. “The ground keeps getting wet,” a colonel in Kyiv…

BY BLEEDING OBVIOUS DESK “I was only giving out the same advice I would have given my own daughter, for God’s sake!” So says veteran radio host Kon Troversie, of Triple Triple FM in Dobim Dobim WA, after calls for his sacking by Feminist groups across Australia and the world. Troversie (98) was reviewing the…