FROM HISTORY EDITOR PROFESSOR H.E. RODOTUS IT’S THE DEAL that, for a hundred years, dared not speak its price. Kept a dark secret until now, the Kookaburra Bugle can reveal that in December 1921, Irish independence hero Michael Collins personally agreed with David Lloyd George, in a short paragraph, signed by both men, that the…

BY PIERRE EICHMANN, GOOD DEATH CORRESPONDENT CANADA’S PLANS TO extend assisted dying legislation to encompass those who suffer from mental illness have received a boost with news that the entire Nazi Program for killing the mentally ill is available to copy. “That saves us so much time and effort,” said an assisted dying advocate. “All…

FROM OUR SECRET FILES DESK THE HYPE AROUND Christopher Nolan’s new movie, Oppenheimer, which tells the story of the leader of the project to develop the first atomic bomb, J Robert Oppenheimer, has led the Secret Files Section of the FBI, known as X, to release new information which confirms that Oppenheimer was finally deprived…

BY OUR ANIMAL BEHAVIOR EDITOR, T.H.E HERD “IT’S MILLIONS OF YEARS OLD, probably as old as animal life itself,” insists biology professor Darwin Dawkey, “and the basic rhythm is essentially the same, a tortuous repetition that digs right into the male’s essence and reduces him to a quivering jelly, or, in some cases, drives him…

BY ADOLF PUTSCH, COUP-D’ETAT WRITER SMART LEGAL MINDS have urged former, and perhaps soon to be, President Donald Trump to argue that the American establishment’s support for the revolution which overthrew a democratically elected president in Ukraine in 2014, is proof that the actions of his own supporters at the US Capitol on 6 January…

WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION DESK IT’S TAKEN OVER 18 months and some arm twisting but Washington has finally agreed to release its only Chuck Norris to Ukraine. “We have been begging them since Putin invaded,” said a Kyiv Government spokesman, “just let us have Chuck Norris and we can win this thing. I only hope…

SPACE TRAVEL WRITERS AND SATELLITE SERVICES IT APPEARS THAT Voyager I, the furthest man-made object from Earth, if you discount people kidnapped by aliens, may have detected something amazing in a galaxy far far away during its period of interstellar isolation. The hardy probe, which has been ploughing through space since the 1970s, is said…

BELGRADE, THURSDAY “THE WAR HAS moved to a new battlefield – internet brides are a huge industry in that part of the world. Forget wheat, the biggest export is, and always has been, pretty girls with huge breasts.” Dating website guru Igor Trotski is no stranger to conflict. He arranged marriages between eastern European women…

BY ARCHAEOLOGY EDITOR, MONTANA SMITH JNR THE DISCOVERY of a new three hundred thousand year old humanoid skull in China has sent shock waves through the English upper classes. For centuries the English aristocracy has believed it was forged in battles like Hastings, Crecy, Agincourt and Waterloo; and honed in the strict traditions of public…

FROM ROBERTO JUNTA IN GOOSE GREEN HAVING RUN into difficulty with the optics of sending asylum seekers to Rwanda, a country with a human rights record worse than Treblinka, the British Government believed it had the perfect solution to all those pesky foreigners turning up on its shores – send them down to the South…