FROM SUNDRY WIRE SERVICES VERY EARLY EXIT POLLING shows smaller parties like the SAVE OUR TURKEYS and LEG SHAVERS are ahead in the 2023 New South Wales state election. “Nothing to be concerned about,” remarked Nationals candidate Wal Surplus, “the fringe always turns up first at the polling stations. I suppose they’re full of passion,…

FROM OUR BUSINESS EDITOR LUKE CHANCE FINANCIAL MARKETS around the globe are buzzing with rumours that Russia’s infamous Private Military Company, the Wagner Group, is seeking a listing on the Shanghai Stock Exchange. “The initial public offering suggests a value of a trillion dollars for the business,” a defence finance analyst who wished to remain…

Entertainment News Desk The world’s oldest rock band has died, on stage. All four members of Dubious Suede passed away during their last concert, but no one noticed. “Yeah, it appears they continued the last half hour of the gig on pure momentum,” a spokesperson for their management company said. “The Suede”, as they were…

From Our Philosophy Correspondent A Furious row broke out in Canberra today when a seven year old child visiting Federal Parliament, questioned why Australia was ordering nuclear submarines which would not be ready for at least a decade when all the science he had been taught said that the world as we know it would…

OUR INVESTIGATION UNIT RECENTLY OBTAINED EMAILS reveal that the entire United States’ Sixth Fleet was kidnapped by Somali pirates several years ago, and only released when a ransom was paid. The emails, intercepted by Chinese Military Intelligence, using one of their deep-penetration high-altitude balloons, throw light on an incident the Pentagon had wished would not…

From our Front Line Ukraine War Correspondent, Charje Xpenze, in Istanbul The US Drone allegedly brought down by a Russian fighter jet over the Black Sea last week, was actually trying to defect. The Russian aircraft was there to guide the drone to a secret base in Crimea. “Our boys had arranged the rendezvous with…

BELGRADE, THURSDAY – THE World of Artificial Intelligence is in shock after Pet Chimpanzee Boris beat American Quantum Computer ‘Ultimate’ in two moves at a secret location in Wyoming. Ultimate had been programmed with every piece of chess knowledge known to man, the intelligence of centuries. Boris had never played the game in his life.…

RELIGION DESK A QUIET revolution in energy supply has been going on in Tibet, Nepal and Northern India where Buddhist monks have been generating electricity using prayer flags. The prayer flags are usually put up to bless the surrounding countryside, and add a colorful backdrop to Himalayan regions. Recently, however, it has been discovered that…

POLITICAL REPORTER ROSS BLAND IN ASUNCION, PARAGUAY Former members of the NAZI Party across Europe, and in South America, have complained to the BBC over Gary Lineker’s comments comparing the British Government’s immigration policy language to that of Nazi Germany. “We were very kind to immigrants,” says Helmut Goebbels, a former Untersturmfuhrer in the Waffen…

By Our Environment Staff A SMALL vole-like creature that lives on the desert margins of the southern Sahara is the focus of recent NASA observations which say that the Earth is five percent greener than it was 20 years ago. The Nigerian Leptisquat, which resembles a round mouse, except for its large teeth, was in…