HAVANA, CUBA HE WANTS RUSSIA on his side, to head off China. He needs a strong manufacturing sector, to head off China. He wants a weaker dollar to head off China. He is Donald Trump and China is his focus. If you can’t help him against China, adios. For Donald Trump, the Pacific is the…

CANBERRA IN KEEPING WITH its role as America’s South Pacific lapdog, Australia may just bend over and take whatever Donald Trump delivers by way of trade tariffs. “We’re so dependent on the Americans, that just taking it up the transom is a likely policy in the face of US tariffs on our exports,” says Michael…

DUBLIN THE PECULIAR STATUS of Northern Ireland means that its conjoined neighbor the Republic of Ireland could use it to halve the tariffs Donald Trump has imposed on the European Union. “Tariffs on the European Union are 20%; tariffs on the United Kingdom are 10%,” explained Montgomery Smuggle, whose businesses in both parts of Ireland…

BELGRADE, THURSDAY ECONOMIC PROTECTIONISM MAY WELL be with us for some time to come, say economists, following Donald Trump’s tariff barrage against the rest of the world. “We call it condom economics,” explained Milton Giraffe of the Prophylactic Policy Institute, based in Amsterdam. “All economies will be looking to wear protection while they’re being fucked…

WASHINGTON, DC THE LITTLE-KNOWN Hubris Futures Index, based in Switzerland, has seen a huge spike in the hours following Donald Trump’s announcement of his imposition of tariffs on the countries of the World. The HuFu, as it’s known, began life as a side-bet between two bankers on the outcome of Napoleon’s invasion of Russia in…

FROM OUR EVIL VILLAIN DESK “ALL HE NEEDS is that cat in his lap, and he is a central casting villain. Trump’s America has made enemies of all its friends, and will make friends of all its enemies!” Dr Ronald Noall, of the Seismic Institute, a free trade think tank, was speaking from his home…

LONDON THE UNITED KINGDOM’S Brexiteers are screaming victory after President Donald Trump only hit their country with a 10% tariff while the European Union is facing a 20% tax on its exports to the United States. “See, we told you so!” roared Nigely Furore, a Brexit supporter who says he has faced years of criticism…

WASHINGTON DC DONALD TRUMP’S ANNOUNCEMENT of a range of tariffs on imports from around the world could mean that news reports by foreign correspondents from the United States could be cut back by whatever percentage the tariff is on the particular country they come from. “This could see reporters being cut by ten, twenty, thirty…

BEIJING THE RECENT APPEARANCE of Chinese naval vessels off the coast of Australia may have been an attempt to freeload on Aussie internet data, says a maritime intelligence specialist. “They were following our undersea internet cable,” said Ron Valerie whose company Flipper monitors underwater communications. “My guess is they were trying to freeload on our…

BELFAST THE TRIAL OF Sir Jeffrey Donaldson, former leader of the Northern Ireland Democratic Unionist Party, who faces historic sex offence charges, could be held in the Irish language now that a 300 year old law banning its use in court in those parts of Ireland still under British control, has been repealed. “Yes, the…