BELGRADE, THURSDAY A DOCTOR LIVING in the high Andes in South America has discovered that treating his growing vegetables with acupuncture makes them grow larger, and they grow faster too. Dr Herman Sieg, who practices homeopathy, came across the discovery when accidentally placed acupuncture needles in a cucumber during a power outage. The doctor, whose…

TEHERAN IRAN IS STILL in possession of a super secret Death Star, according to the latest report of the American intelligence service, Mossad. Intercepted communications reveal that senior Iranians were cheering the fact that while Donald Trump’s heroes of the air did some short-term damage to the country’s “diversionary” nuclear program, the Americans missed the…

CANBERRA A LEAKED REPORT from Australia’s top secret signals intelligence unit says that an artificial intelligence program using quantum computing has discovered that some of the many whales which pass the country’s east coast every year are singing in a code that easily translates into Mandarin, the main language of the People’s Republic of China.…

BELGRADE, THURSDAY MEN WITH LARGE amounts of money are more attractive to women, no matter what the look like, a new study suggests. The study, carried out by marketing agency Want Equals Need took a sample of a thousand women and introduced them to random very ordinary looking men. “We asked the women if they…

DAH PHUQ, DIPLOMACY EDITOR AS RUMORS LEAK that the United States might not have completely and utterly and totally destroyed Iran’s nuclear program, President Donald Trump is apparently resorting to his country’s most potent weapon, the F-Bomb, to bring an end to the conflict between Israel and Iran. Supporters of The Donald say that his…

MOSCOW RUSSIAN INTELLIGENCE SOURCES have confirmed that Pete “Maverick” Mitchell and Luke Skywalker were flying for the Americans during the US strikes on Iran’s nuclear facilities. “We understand that no one else but these pilots could have achieved such accurate bombing, as we have all seen them do in the movies,” said a Russian intelligence…

TEHERAN “KEEP THE ENEMY confused, and always take the opportunity to kick him in the balls when he’s down.” General Doug Dugout, of Retaliate Retaliate Retaliate, a right-wing think tank based in Pretoria, South Africa, was commenting on the news that President Donald Trump has struck Iran’s nuclear facilities, despite a two-week warning and his…

TEHERAN “IRAN CAN ABSORB a hell of a lot of punishment, and remain essentially Iran. Israel is essentially conducting a raid here. It cannot follow up bombing success with boots on the ground. It could easily wear itself out just trying to bomb everywhere it needs to bomb in Iran. It’s a very big country.…

OUR TREASONOUS DOG WRITERS THE LOSS OF one senior commander is a misfortune, the loss of two, possibly carelessness, but the loss of more than that is a sure sign treachery could be at work. The Israeli decapitation of top-line Iranian leaders is causing many in the Islamic Republic’s hierarchy, political and military, to suspect…

KYIV A SENIOR UKRAINIAN general has suggested that his country needs to attack Iran if it is to regain the attention of the West, and keep aid flowing. “The war in the Middle East has exacerbated our problems,” says an officer close to the general. “The West, NATO, they have all grown tired of our…