FROM OUR LUNATIC FRINGE EDITOR JOHN MADASABALOON MILLIONS OF LEFT-WING Americans are vowing they will pledge to a Gofundme page for the killer of Charlie Kirk. “If the assassin remains at large, people will contribute to any fugitive expenses incurred – including false documents and facial surgery – and if caught then a lawyer will…

DUBLIN WRITERS AN IRISH WARSHIP, the LE Aoibhinn, which slipped quietly into Belfast port recently, could be employed patrolling the customs border in the Irish Sea between the European Union and that part of the United Kingdom not still under EU trade rules, says a leading strategic thinker. “It’s lightly armed – some machine guns…

GAZA A SECRET UNITED Nations paper proposes that Palestinian civilians could be dressed in blue-striped pajamas to enable the Israeli Defence Forces to recognize them. “The women, of course, could have a striped burqa version of the outfit for cultural sensitivity,” said a UN spokesperson. “But the pajamas would highlight in no uncertain terms the…

DUBLIN COMMENTS BY IRELAND’S leadership, that the country would be open to Ukrainian peacekeeping, which caused citizens to believe the Ukrainian Army was coming to the Emerald Isle to help maintain law and order on the streets, have been clarified by Irish Government insiders, who insist that the remarks refer to Irish personnel potentially going…

WASHINGTON, DC THERE IS NO truth to the story that, following his demanding a 15% cut of Nvdia for the US Federal Government, American President Donald Trump is intent on purchasing the rest of his country using a private equity vehicle in the biggest leveraged buyout in history, says a prominent Republican donor. “The Donald…

DUBLIN BIG MOUTH VERSUS Long Kesh; BandAid versus Banned; Boomtown versus Andytown: an Irish presidential run off between Sir Bob Geldof, honorary toff, secular saint, critic of police and priests, whose voice was once never off the airwaves in Britain and Ireland, and Gerry Adams, the man whose voice was banned from the airwaves in…

GAZA ISRAELI SOURCES SAY that the country has put a huge effort into making sure there are enough sandwiches to feed Greta Thunberg and her latest activist flotilla when they arrive off the coast of Gaza. “Ham, Ham and cheese, tomato, tomato and ham, ham, tomato and cheese – and remember, we’re kosher – chicken,…

W.G. HELLS, PHILOSOPHY CORRESPONDENT A GERMAN SCIENTIST who once believed he was a cucumber and twice married the same dead horse, says his research has led him to believe that human beings who claim they hear voices, could actually be tapped into another parallel universe, due to defects in their brains. “imagine the human brain…

FROM OUR EQUINE EDITOR HOMER PIGGOTT THE SHEER VOLUME of illegal migrants making their way across the English Channel from camps in France, has caused some in Britain to wonder if they are not the forward element of a fresh French invasion of the United Kingdom. “They have previous for this,” insists Reg Reg of…

WINDSOR, ENGLAND HE’S ALREADY AN honorary knight of the realm in the UK, a living saint in the world of charity – and he once sang about not liking Mondays – so would becoming President of Ireland be a step up, or a step down for former Boomtown Rats front man Bob Geldof? The rumor…