WIRE SERVICES AT SEVENTY SEVEN, Rolling Stone wild boy Ronny Wood has been deemed too young to tour with geriatric rock legends The Rolling Stones. “His youth and inexperience are factors even our AI computers cannot predict for,” says Simon Hugo-Witherington-Faust a quantum insurer based in London. “Mick and Keith are what we call Zimmer-Frame…

CITY OF LONDON STAFF THE BRITISH ECONOMY is in such peril that the country may have to consider a return to those enterprises that made it great centuries ago, says a leading economist. Dr John Silver, of the Larceny Fund, a hedge fund based in the Cayman Islands, says that Britain became a world empire…

WASHINGTON DC THE NAME’S BIDEN, Joe Biden. News that President Donald Trump has revoked his predecessor’s security clearance, has been met with whispers that it is not because of Biden’s age but because he may be next in line for the role of James Bond. “You can never be too sure in this world, but…

FROM OUR AUSTRALIAN CONSTRUCTION CORRESPONDENT WALLY “BLOODY” SLOW AN OFFER FROM Australia to take on the job of rebuilding the Gaza Strip has been rejected by the US President who says he would like his grandchildren to be alive to see the completed resort he has in mind. “Have you seen the timescales on Aussie…

CANBERRA WITH VIRTUE SIGNALLING in overdrive around the globe over Donald Trump’s plans for the population of the Gaza Strip, Australia appears to have thrown its hat into the ring and quietly indicated that it would be willing to take the whole of the strip, but only if Mr Trump would guarantee that he would…

BELFAST THE LATEST POLL of support for Irish unity in Northern Ireland, which sees the unity camp increase by 7% in two years, has caused Ulster Unionists to focus their minds on whether holding on as long as possible is really the right strategy in the face of continuing falling numbers in favour of maintaining…

JOY BRIGADOON, OUR KARMA EDITOR IF IRELAND IS to take in hundreds of thousands of Palestinians after they are thrown out of Gaza by Donald Trump, then one of the first places they could be housed is the American President’s luxurious Doonbeg International Golf Course and Hotel Resort in Co Clare, according to a left-wing…

DUBLIN GIVEN IRISH POLITICIANS’ unwavering support for the people of Gaza, it has been suggested that the Government of the Emerald Isle could offer to take the entire population of the Gaza Strip if Donald Trump does act on his proposal to send them abroad so he can turn their homeland into a rich playground.…

ROME, ITALY A TOP PSYCHOLOGIST says that every time he watches US President Donald Trump speak his imagination turns to actor John Hurt playing Roman emperor Caligula in the classic BBC television series, I, Claudius. “Trump just goes full Caligula when he is addressing an audience,” insists Dr Livia Manipole of the think tank, Tractors…

FROM OUR BLACK SEPTEMBER DESK IN JORDAN, RIGHT NEXT TO ISRAEL, CLOSE TO LEBANON, NOT THAT FAR FROM EGYPT PRESIDENT TRUMP’S IDEA, of shifting the population of the Gaza Strip out to neighboring lands so America can develop it as a vacation resort, has run into its first hurdle, it seems. His advisors have discovered…