BY OUR CRAIGYHILL OFFICE STAFF ULSTER UNIONISTS PREPARING to celebrate the Twelfth of July yet again have felt the winds of change swirling around their bombastic bonfires in the form of a new European Union study that suggests their numbers will soon be less than that of Ukrainian draft dodgers on the island of Ireland.…

FROM OUR KYIV EDITOR AN AMERICAN FEMALE mercenary flying F16s for Ukraine gave birth to twins while engaging an unidentified flying object over the Black Sea, according to a Turkish news agency report. The report from Kebabske Anatolia Headlines says that the fighter pilot was on patrol near Crimea when she was attacked by an…

FROM OUR MAN IN COLOMBO, KYLE RICHARD THE SHOCK DEFEAT of Ian Paisley Junior, has caused a momentary spike in Sri Lankan share prices as traders there anticipate a large boost to the local economy now that the sun has set on the Paisley dynasty in Northern Ireland for now. “The sun sets in one…

FROM OUR JUDGE NOT THAT THOU SHALL NOT BE JUDGED CORRESPONDENT “SURE YOU NEED to do a lot more than beat an innocent woman senseless to get jail in Limerick today.” The words of a thug with ninety seven convictions for violence offences appear to echo the recent decision of a court to impose a…

BY JOHN THOMAS THE BRITISH LABOUR Party leader Sir Keir Starmer has finally accounced his acceptance that men are from penis and women from vagina. Following the lead of his predecessor Tony Blair, the knight of the realm gave up the .1% of people he was previously unwilling to concede were men by virtue of…

FROM OUR WRITERS IN WASHINGTON DC AND MEDELLIN, COLUMBIA WHILE THE GENERAL feeling is that Biden back sheep, Hunter, will not received a prison sentence for his firearms convictions, prisoners in correctional facilities across the United States of America are said to be stocking up with cocaine just in case the President’s son is given…

FROM JAMES JOYCE, MIGUEL DE CERVANTES AND LEO TOLSTOY IT’S CALLED THE Dunning-Kruger Effect. It’s the tendency of incompetents to see themselves as far more capable than they are. In this year of elections all over the world, it’s worth noting that a singular deficiency of democracy is the calibre of people it attracts as…

FROM OUR BENGAL FAMINE EDITOR, WINSTON HUNGERGAME “WHAT WAS A man of Indian heritage doing attending a memorial to the army of a country that murdered three million Indians by famine in 1943 anyway?” Professor Gobnet Gandhi-McBride, an Indian historian born in South Africa, whose latest book Awkward Questions: World War Two Under The Allied…

BY OUR BRUSSELS STAFF NATO STRATEGISTS HAVE come up with a devastating new strategy to beat Russia in Ukraine: Building Villages. “All the positional fighting in Ukraine is for villages,” said a NATO official. “The more villages, the more fighting the Russians have to do. So, our people are not doing any fighting, we’re just…

FROM CROSSMAGLEN, SOUTH ARMAGH DESPERATE IRISH OFFICIALS have denied rumors that the Dublin Government is planning to plant millions of landmines along the line of the Irish border in a last-ditch effort to stem the flow of asylum seekers running from Rishi Sunak’s regime in London. “Yes, we have bought a hundred million surplus US…